This Blog Is Officially CLOSED. . .

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Pay-Backs Are A Bitch Donna LOL!!!

Now you have Denise and Me to contend with. . . MUWAHAHAHAHHAHHA!!!

The Meme of Threes

Things that scare me: High bridges over water, Rats (wanna see me totally freak?), Congress

People who make me laugh: Denise. . . She’s a total nut at times, My friend Lynette, Jay Leno

Things I don’t understand: How our Government got so screwed up, Men (OK, I know it’s the same as the first one), Bigots

Things I am doing right now: Fixing dinner, Typing this mess, Avoiding at least 3 other things I need to do

Things I can do: Lead by example, Balance my checkbook to the penny, Make people think

Ways to describe my personality: Shy, Caring, Softhearted

Things I can’t do: Sew, Apply eyeliner, Juggle (I’ve tried to learn all three dozens of times)

Things I think you should listen to: Your heart, it’s never wrong, Whatever music makes you feel good, Anyone promoting tolerance.

Things you should never listen to: Republicans, Religious Zealots, Anyone promoting a "get rich" scheme

Things I’d like to learn: Guitar, How to apply makeup properly when you can’t see without your glasses, A second language

Favorite Foods: Cajun/Creole, Fried chicken, BBQ pork (There’s a healthy mix!!!)

Beverages I drink regularly: Tea, Chardonnay, More water than I care to remember

TV Shows I watched as a kid: Clutch Cargo (worst animation in history LOL!!), Gilligan’s Island, Twilight Zone (There’s a mix for ya!!!)

I'm not tagging anyone. If you want to do this, GO FOR IT!!

HUGGSS!!
Posted by Lauren :: 9:03 PM :: 6 comments

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Monday, August 28, 2006

But Sirius-ly Folks. . .

One of the options that came with the car I bought last winter was Sirius satelite radio. I figured for $12.95/mo, it was worth trying out. Gotta tell ya, I love it!!! All music, no 5-minute commercial blocks like the local stations, minimal talk, and the DJs actually know something about the music they play and the bands that play it. WHAT A CONCEPT!!!

I thought I was pretty savy in the world of Alternative Rock until I bought Sirius. . . They play stuff that you'll NEVER, EVER hear on your local WGAG or KBLA stations. . . Case in point, where else could you hear this little ditty from an east coast band called "Jesus H. Christ". . . .

CONNECTICUT’S FOR FUCKING
© 2004 Mickenberg/Shelton

We live in the dullest state
Package stores all close at eight
Malls are full of optometrists
And restaurants we hate
Swimming across Lake Quassapaug
Stealing makeup, catching frogs
Cutting our feet on broken bottles
As we wade in the Shepaug
It’s true for horses, cows and dogs…

Connecticut’s for fucking
That’s all there is to do.
I love to listen to classic rock
and have sex with you.

Doing hole shots at the mall
Writing Ozzy on a wall
Watch the corn get tall
There’s nothing else to do at all.
Goin’ where we always go
Doin’ what we always do
Waitin’ to turn into the people
We are bound to turn into.
What else do other people do?

Connecticut’s for fucking
It’s the Nutmeg state
If we can’t afford to buy antiques
then we just copulate. . . .

It goes on, but you get the point. . . You would be amazed at how "cut up" some songs are on commercial radio to take out the "bad words." Or, as George Carlin said over 30 years ago. . . "The heavy seven. . . The words that will rot your mind. . . Make you blind. . . And lose the war for the Allies. . ."

In other news from Motown. . .

One of the reasons I haven't posted as much lately is due to what I can only attribute to a moment of pure insanity. . .

I am now the President of our community Homeowners Association. . . OK. . . Stop laughing like a bunch of freakin' Hyenas DAMMIT!!! That means you too Denise!!!

Actually, it's not that bad, although there are moments when I want to pound my head on the wall. . . "No Mrs. Jones, you can NOT raise a Shetland Pony in your 2-bedroon condo for your daughter. . ." "Yes Mr. Smith you DO need Homeowner's Insurance and NO the Association will NOT pay to have your carpets cleaned. . ." "I'm so very sorry Ms. Bootylicious, but we really can't help the fact that it rained on the night of your back yard BBQ and your little Rat Dog caught a cold. . ."

Honestly, I'm working with some really great people to bring a sense of community to our neighborhood. . . And it's safer than dating. . .LOL!!

I am also actively looking for a new job. It has become painfully obvious that I will never go any higher than I am now with my current employer. I'm actually suprised at how much opportunity is out there right now. . . I'm in no hurry to move, but after 7 years in the same position. . . Can we at least TRY "doggy style" this week????

And I'll leave you with this final thought. . .

Our current administration places more importance on coming to the aid of the people of Iraq than they do on the victims of Hurricane Katrina. . . How the hell else can you explain the BILLIONS of $$$$ spent in that giant sand trap, the lives lost and the fact that one year later New Orleans is STILL a fucking disaster area???

If you have Congressional elections in your state this year, learn something about the people running for office. . . . Ask the hard questions. . . and above all. . . GET OUT AND VOTE!!!! Ya can't bitch if you don't make an effort to fix what's wrong. . .

King George and his ilk have to go. . . NOW!

Love Y'all. . .

HUGGSS!!


Posted by Lauren :: 8:36 PM :: 9 comments

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Monday, August 21, 2006

More Proof That Lauren Is Wierd

Not that you really NEEDED more proof, but I have a question to pose to you all. . .

We all know about getting a song stuck in our head. . . It happens to me all the time. . .

Do any of you get a smell/odor stuck in your nose?? I'm dead serious here. There are times I get a certain smell in my nose and it goes everywhere I go. Even when there is no possibility of that scent being in that location. This seems to be happening to me more frequently in the last couple of months.

Lately, it's been the cat box. . . I know it's not caught in my clothes, since my clean clothes never go near the box. I clean the box every day and use good cat litter, so it can't be that. . . It can also be pleasent smells, but not as often. . .

Is that wierd or what???

BTW: To Clance, Donna and Wendy. . . MATT WON!!! NEENER NEENER NEENER!!!!!!

I really wanted Mark to win, but seeing Matt beat Tony was just too sweet!!

HUGGSS!!

Posted by Lauren :: 6:48 PM :: 15 comments

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Sunday, August 20, 2006

Some People Just Need To Be Slapped

It's back to school time again and the whining and complaining is at an all-time high. . . I'm not talking about the kids, it's the parents in one local school district throwing a hissy fit over a strict new dress code for all students.

The new code states: No logo t-shirts, sports jerseys, miniskirts, bare midriff tops, pajama pants (who decided these were fashion in the first place?), sweat pants, excessively baggy jeans, ripped jeans, short shorts (Daisey Dukes), or flip flops. Shirts must be tucked in.

Last week's School Board meeting got so out of control, the police were physically walking people off the premises. What the f**k is wrong with you people? Your kids are going to school to get an education. It's not a freakin' fashion show! Several parents interviewed by the local media said that they can't make their kids dress to meet the code. . . WHAT??? It's your kid. . . You are the parent. . . Who the HELL is in charge of your home?? Come on people, grow some balls already.

I see what the kids around here wear to school and it makes me cringe. Sorry young man, but I really don't care to see the top 3 inches of your boxer shorts. Pull up your pants for cryin' out loud. . . . Miss, the crop top with that bad case of muffin top you have goin' there is NOT attractive. And are those jeans or a heavy coat of blue paint?? How do you even zip those up?

Several other local districts have moved to school uniforms. Simple, tasteful and it eliminates any guesswork about what does and doesn't meet the code. I'm all for it. Guess it's a good thing I don't have school-age kids. I'd be the Bitch Mother of the year.

Laterz!!




Posted by Lauren :: 10:36 AM :: 9 comments

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Friday, August 18, 2006

Woodward Dream Cruisin'



Tomorrow is the 12th annual Woodward Dream Cruise in Metro Motown. Over 1.5 million people will line Woodward Avenue from 8 Mile Road (YEP! The same 8 Mile from the Eminem movie) to downtown Pontiac. 16 Miles of Classic Cars, Muscle Cars, Street Rods, Customs and Wannabe Junkers. . . Over 40,000 cars in all will cruise Woodward Ave. in addition to people passing through just to see the excitement. . . YAWN!!

Don't get me wrong, but a classic car cruise in Motown is about as rare as a Mexican restaurant in El Paso. . . On any given night during the summer, I can go to at least 20 locations that have some sort of cruise event.

But, Woodward is special, dare I say SACRED. . . In the 50s and 60s, cruising on Woodward Ave. on Friday and Saturday night was a right of passage. If you had a cool car, you had to cruise on Woodward . . . It may have been a law at the time LOL!! Street racing was cool!! Regardless, Woodward was the place to be. . .

I love old cars, particularly from the 50s and 60s. . . But, you won't find my ass within 15 miles of that cluster fuck this weekend. . . 1.5 million people?? I don't think so. . .

If you ever come to Motown in August, come for the Dream Cruise. . . Just once. . . It's a pretty cool sight. . . ONCE!

HUGGSS!!


Posted by Lauren :: 10:10 PM :: 4 comments

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Thursday, August 17, 2006

That's Just Swell Mel. . . WHAT THE F**K???

In case you haven't heard yet, the California Judicial system has proven, yet again, it pays BIG TIME to be famous. . .

Mel Gibson enters a "No Contest" plea (Yep, I was drunk on my ass, but I'm not saying so in court!) to his DUI charges. In return, he gets 3 years probation. . . No fine, no jail time, no loss of driver's license, no community service. . . Just; "Don't do it again. . NOD NOD, WINK WINK. . . "

If it had been you or I, we'd be asshole deep in all or some of those options. . . Here in MI, a first offense is 1 year suspended, MINIMUM, up to $2,500 in fines (plus legal fees and court costs), 2 to 5 years probation and possibly a 6 month jail sentence. . .

So Mel. . . How big WAS that donation to the Judge's re-election fund????

With credit to JackieSue. . . . Fuck me `til I piss Jello Shots. . .


Posted by Lauren :: 5:55 PM :: 7 comments

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Monday, August 14, 2006

Just Checking In

Hi all. . . Just haven't had anything to write about lately. Thought I'd check in and say HI! Hope y'all are havin' a great summer. . . Enjoy it while it lasts. . .

HUGGSS!!
Posted by Lauren :: 7:44 PM :: 5 comments

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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Just Had To Share This

I was just outside enjoying a smoke and a little Chard, watching the woman across the street power washing her balcony. Her husband/boyfriend/manservant or whateverthehellheis was watching. . . There's a man joke in there somewhere, but not for this post. . . .

She suddenly stops, reaches down the front of her t-shirt and retrieves the cell phone from between her boobs!!! At this point, I'm trying not to break out in hysterical laughter, while waiting to see what she does with it when she's done with the call. Sure enough, she parks it back in the big valley. . . And people say I'm strange. . .

I know I am, so just SHUT UP!!! LOL!

Wonder if she had it set on vibrate???

In other news. . . A Dallas woman was attacked by an underwire bra in a supermarket parking lot today, just as she entered her vehicle. . . She escaped without injury and has turned the offending undergarment over to the local waste authorities. . . Victoria Secret refused to comment and has refered all inquiries to her Attorney. . . Could this be a cover up????

And finally, it appears that the evil Butt Monkey has returned and has his sights set on parts of Texas. . . He is rumored to be in the company of his equally evil assistant Stepford, who has been known to stalk her victims for weeks before striking. . . Be afraid, be VERY afraid. . .

OH GAWD!!!! I need to get a life, get laid or something. . . .

OK. . . I'm done now. . .

HUGGSS!!
Posted by Lauren :: 8:34 PM :: 5 comments

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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Momma's Family

Does anyone else remember this show from a few years ago?

It was Vicky Lawrence (The Carol Burnett Show) as Momma, with Carol Burnett, Ken Berry, Tim Conway, Harvey Korman and a host of other misfits in what can only be described as the most disfunctional group of people since "All in the Family."

I think I had dinner with them last night. . .

I ran into an aquaintance at the grocery store last Saturday (That'll teach me to go shopping after 6 AM!!!) who insisted I join her and her friends for dinner last night at a local restaurant. So I went. . . thinking "What harm could it do???" REALLY BAD DECISION!!!!

This was the most disgusting group of social rejects I have ever encountered. It was bad enough that most were incapable of an intelligent conversation, but this little toad of a woman seated next to me decided to help herself to the remains on my plate when I was finished!!! EEEEWWWW!!!! She did this to the person on the other side of her too!!!

This same person had no problem quizzing me on very personal topics, including why I was wearing earings. . . Well DUH!!!! To fill the holes in my ear lobes!!!! WTF!!!!! I finally left after about 45 mintes. . . Seemed like a week. . .

Please. . . Would someone drive to Motown and beat me senseless with a 2x4 so I NEVER do anything THAT stupid again?????

This may be a job for JackieSue. . . I know she'll understand. . .

I'll send gas money JS. . . Bring your own Dublin Dr. Pepper. . .

I need a HUGGSS!!

Posted by Lauren :: 9:59 PM :: 10 comments

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