Damned if I Know!

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Can I Get An AMEN????

First things first. . . Diana is doing fine and should fly home on Sunday, maybe sooner. . . I was so happy to see the e-mail this afternoon from her traveling escort. I sent her an E-Greeting that I'm sure she'll see in a day or so (she asked that we NOT send flowers). Thanks to all of you who left such wonderful, supportive comments. . .

OK. . . Back to the title of this post. . .

In my last post, I made a remark about an experience with my neighbor. We have maintained a cordial (spelled. . . s-t-r-a-i-n-e-d) relationship over the last two years, for a variety of reasons. Mostly because he's a moron. . .

I was sitting on my patio Monday morning enjoying my first cup of tea and cigarette, despite the mid-70s heat and 90% humidity. . . This is my routine, once the weather gets warm. In the background I can hear my neighbor's stereo through the open bedroom window. Some Evangelical(sp?) preacher is going on about something. . . I just wasn't paying attention, since I really don't care.

The audio went silent for some period of time and then I heard (sound suddenly turned WAY up):

HO-MO-SEX-U-AL-ITY IS AN AB-OM-IN-A-TION IN THE EYES OF THE LORD. . . . HO-MO-SEX-U-ALS WILL BE CAST OUT OF HEAVEN FOR THEIR DEFIANCE OF GOD!!!!! CAN I GET AN AMEN?????

This evangelical rant went on for several minutes, while I am trying very hard to:

1. Not burst out in hysterical laughter at the idea my neighbor saw fit to assult me with this garbage at 7:30 AM (he obviously knew I was sitting outside). . .

2. Resist the temptation to scream something back of an equally preposterous nature. . .

3. Keep myself from going to the garage to find a crowbar to beat his fucking yuppymobile into a pile of scrap iron. . .

But. . . I was a good little Tranny and just let it go. . . This time. . .

So there you have it. . . Who knew that little ol' me could have such a negative affect on society??? I have single-handedly brought the free world to the brink utter destruction. . . It's an OMEN. . . I'm the Bad Seed. . . Be afraid!!!!

Or just laugh your ass off like I'm doing right now. . . .

HUGGSS!!

Posted by Lauren :: 7:07 PM :: 10 comments

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Monday, May 29, 2006

Memorial Day, Diana T. and A Word About Me

Memorial Day

I'm not usually very enthusiastic about Holidays, for a variety of reasons. Memorial Day is one of the exceptions. This is a day to honor the men and women who have fought to protect our freedom. Not just the dead, but those who survived to return to their families.

Five of my Uncles served in WWII. My Father served in Korea, shipping out just 5 days after I was born. He didn't see me again until I was 14 moths old. Two of my Cousins and several classmates served in Viet Nam. In all of that not one was killed. Only two were wounded, but all returned to civilian life with the invisible scars that the horror of war carved on each of them. I was spared those horrors despite being drafted in 1972, the last Selective Service draft. An auto accident left me "Unfit for duty." I have always had mixed feelings about that.

My Father and Uncles rarely spoke of their experiences and we have always respected that. I saw first-hand what those months in Nam did to my cousins and classmates. None came back the same people I grew up with.

To every man and woman who has given their life or served this country in the name of freedom, I pledge to you my undying respect, my gratitude and my love. Each of you has gone above and beyond in doing so. . .

Diana T.

As I write this, Diana is in a hospital in Colorado being prepared for major surgery. Ordinarily, this would be a cause for alarm, but this is the final step in Diana's long journey to womanhood. At 7 AM Mountain Time tomorrow, Diana will undergo Sexual Reassignment Surgery (SRS). The last traces of her birth anatomy will will surgically altered to bring her as close to a genetic female as a "Trans" person can ever be. Being rid of the physical male anatomy is a right of passage for an M2F transgender. It's the last evidence of a person we were never meant to be. The same is true for F2M trans males. Having the correct genitalia is like shedding the shackles of prison.

Diana's journey has taken nearly five years. Therapy, hormones, more therapy, living one full year minimum as your true gender, evaluations by numerous Doctors and finally the legal OK to proceed. She is the fourth person I have known to take the final step.

There will be a white candle burning here for Diana until we have word she is OK. Not that it's a particularly dangerous operation, but all surgery carries some risk. After five days, she'll be allowed to fly home to Motown. There are several dozen other Trans people here who will anxiously await her OK to visit, or her first trip out to see us.

We love you and miss you Diana. . . Hurry home. . .

A Word About Me

First. . . . Thanks to all of you for the warm thoughts and genuine concern you have shown. That touches my heart.

I'm still stuggling with things, but my Psych (Rosemary) has been great these last few weeks and the Social Worker (Anna) is rapidly becoming someone I can trust. Both treat me as a woman despite my appearance. That has had a great impact on my attitude. Anna has met me once for lunch and asked if I would be comfortable with her coming to my house. I told her I'd have to get back to her on that one. But, I know I'll ask her eventually.

Overall, I'm feeling better. I'll try to get around to your blogs to lay one of my eggs of wisdom (Even I choked on that one, LOL!!!) soon. . . I also had an interesting experience with my neighbor today, but I'll save that for another time. . . Let's just say "I'm Damned" and leave it at that for now. . . .

OK, this is far too long. . . .

HUGGSS!!

Posted by Lauren :: 7:29 PM :: 5 comments

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Sunday, May 21, 2006

Falling Down

I don’t really remember when things went so terribly wrong. There are several days that are nothing more than a blur, aside from what I’ve been told by the people who came to my aid. I know I went to work and tried to accomplish something, but most days I spent using every bit of strength I had to not burst into tears. I know I left early one day because I knew I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. I remember that because it was the same day the police came to my house. They had been called by my friends Jenn and Allison. They were afraid I was going to commit suicide. I don’t remember talking to either one of them, let alone mentioning suicide before the cops arrived. But, they said we talked for an hour.

I don’t think I could actually go through with killing myself, because I’m too much of a coward. Still, the police and EMS insisted that someone stay with me, or I would have to go to the hospital for observation. Allison stayed, because Jen had to go to work. We talked for a long time and I was finally able to go to sleep for a while. I do remember her holding me while I cried.

My PDoc called the next morning. I hadn’t been to see her in almost a year. She insisted I come in for an hour, despite my protests. It was actually a good thing I did. She called my Doctor and had him up my meds and within a couple of days I was at least functioning. Not well, but I was able to go back to work. I seem to have leveled off a bit and the crying hasn’t been out of control for the last week.

I debated whether I wanted to come back here at all, but decided I should, at least on a limited basis. One of the things my PDoc pointed out was how I have cut myself off from my friends, family and her. I know I came to use this space as my connection to the world, because it was easier than being with people face to face. That has to change. I know that this cannot be my sole social outlet. But, there are too many people here I’ve come to love, to just walk away.

I started blogging over at Crapster because I wanted to find out if people would accept me. For the most part, they did. I got a few bigoted responses, but I just deleted them and kept going. But somewhere along the way I came to depend on my blog friends like a family. People would call and I just made excuses why I couldn't go to functions, or they couldn’t stop by. I have basically cut myself off for the last eight or nine months. I did go to a function earlier this year, but I remember being very uncomfortable and I was among the first to leave.

My PDoc has set me up with a Social Worker who calls every day or so, if I don’t contact her. She understands my situation and is willing to spend time on the phone with me, because she knows I can’t afford to see my PDoc every week. Allison has made sure that someone calls me every evening, just to check on me and chat for a few minutes.

So, my new mantra is one borrowed from AA. . . One Day At A Time. . .

Peace and Love. . .

Posted by Lauren :: 4:55 PM :: 16 comments

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Sunday, May 07, 2006

I Need A Break

Posted by Lauren :: 10:39 PM :: 16 comments

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Thursday, May 04, 2006

DaimlerChrysler SUCKS!!!!!

I'm so fucking ANGRY right now I can't see straight. . . I thought this country had progressed far enough that at least large companies could see the value in DIVERSITY. Obviously, I was VERY WRONG in that assumption. . . How does that old saying go. . .???

The Dodge Division of of DaimlerChrysler is currently runnning the commercial in the attached link in numerous markets around North America (including here in Motown). Click here: http://adage.com/article?article_id=108621 and then select the PLAY button.

Draw your own conclusions, but I'm starting a war over this HUGE slap in the face to the GLBT community. If Ford thinks they have problems with the AFA http://www.afa.net, wait until DCX gets a load of what this Tranny chick and her friends can start. . . The first letter is already started. . .

Dear Bigoted Assholes. . . . What's your next new marketing campaign. . . Those two "That Thing Gotta HEMI???" morons in white sheets and hoods?????????

Posted by Lauren :: 7:44 PM :: 10 comments

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