Damned if I Know!

This Blog Is Officially CLOSED. . .

Friday, March 31, 2006

Scaredy Cat

Well. . . My little four-legged buddy is terrified of thunderstorms. I mean FREAKED!! We just had our first tiny little Michigan Barn-Rattler and he made a mad dash to get under the bed. . . I thought his tail was going to explode!!! He is NOT coming out either. I even tried to bribe him with treats. . .

This wasn't a bad one. . . Just our garden-variety spring boomer, not much wind, but a good bit of rolling thunder. So. . . Apparently Mr. CC Kewl-J has issues too. . . It's kinda cute. . .

Poor baby!! I'll love him up when he feels safe again. . .

Laterz!!

Posted by Lauren :: 8:08 PM :: 9 comments

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Spring Forward and Buy Batteries

Please, don't forget to set your clocks AHEAD 1 hour before you hit the pillow Saturday night. Yep. . . It's Daylight Savings Time in North America, starting Sunday morning at 2 AM. . . Well, except for any of you in Arizona and some parts of Indiana. . . I can't speak for the rest of the world.

This is also an excellent reminder to change the batteries in your smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors. Even if you have detectors powered by household current, they have a battery backup to keep them working if the power goes out. PLEASE. . . Don't take a chance on old batteries to save a few dollars. . . And for pete's sake, don't swipe a smoke detector battery to put in your boom box. . . Go to the store and buy batteries!!! I always have spares in the house.

Hundreds of people (too many children and pets) are killed every year, because either the smoke detector batteries are dead or missing. . . Is your kittie's life worth less than a 9 volt battery??? Or your kid???

I didn't think so. . .

Peace and Love. . .

Posted by Lauren :: 8:21 PM :: 6 comments

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Lauren 1. . . Evil, Money-Grubbing Gas Co. ZERO!!!

. . . At least that's the way I envisioned the outcome of this latest example of corporate incompetence. . .

BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

After 25 minutes on hold listening to a variety of recorded messages about how much: "We value you as a customer". . . Choke, GAG. . . HURL!!!!. . . I finally get to speak with a "Customer Service Representative". . . AKA: A warm body that can answer the phone (when they get around to it) and almost speaks English. . .

After the mandatory "Can I get your account number, full name, address, daytime phone number, nightime phone number, employer name and address, last four digits of your social security number, shoe size, your Mother's maiden name, the name address and phone number of your three closest relatives, your pet's name and 3 bondable witnesses". . . "How may I (in the least respectful way possible) help you today?"

After explaining that my gas meter reading (by THEIR invoice) and the amount I'm being charged for don't agree, I hear. . . "So what is the problem here???" (TOTAL disinterest is obvious in her voice)

OK, Let's try this again. . . . The meter readings on my invoice show that I used 4600 cubic feet of gas for the last billing period. . . I am being billed for 5100 cubic feet of gas. . . That is 500 cubic feet more than I actually used. . .

"How do you know this?" (the yawn was only slightly muffled). . .

Because that is what is printed on my current invoice. . . Beginning meter reading 681. . . Current reading 727. . . 727 minus 681 equals 46. . . Correct?

"Well yes, but what is the problem??" (Voice now showing obvious irritation)

Well, I'm being charged for 5100 cu. ft. when I only used 4600 cu. ft. . .

"Hold on please, I'll be right back. . . "

About three minutes pass and then. . . .

"Thank you for holding. . . We can issue a credit for the difference on your next bill. . . Will that be OK?" (Like I have a choice here. . . .)

Yes, that will be fine. . .

"Thank you and have a nice day. . ." CLICK!!

ASSHOLES. . . Even when they get caught bending you over the table, they find a way to treat you like shit. . . .

I want to be a cat. . . . A sunny window sill, tuna and I'm good to go. . .

PLEASE. . . Babs. . . Send me some Lexapro. . . I want to be "happy happy joy joy" too. . .
Posted by Lauren :: 8:32 PM :: 9 comments

Monday, March 27, 2006

The Land Of Milk And Honey. . .

You may have heard this phrase at some time in your life. I have no idea who wrote it, but it was intended to describe the opportunities available to imigrants coming to the US many years ago.

I suppose there was a time when this was true, but certainly not in my immediate memory. I first entered the working class in 1968 (several years on Dad's farm prior to that) and have always found obtaining and keeping a good job a challenge. I have worked hard to maintain and expand upon the skills I have today, yet still I struggle.

The recent imigration reform protests came to Motown today, and an estimated 50,000 people filled the streets downtown to express their displeasure with impending imigration policy changes in Washington DC. . .

What alarms me about this is the backing of organized religious groups, the Catholic Church in particular. They seem to feel that we have some obligation to just let people in, regardless of our current circumstances or the ability of these huddled masses to actually find and maintain jobs. Are we supposed to just support them?

If news reports are even close to accurate, up to 30,000 GM employees may get the axe tomorrow. Personally, I think 20,000 is still too high, but who knows??? Where will these people go to find new jobs? How can they possibly compete with an illegal imigrant workforce that thinks minimum wage is HUGE money??

Who will GM, Ford, DaimlerChrysler et al sell their $35,000 SUVs to? Not some poor schmuk working at Target for $10/hour. Who will buy the $300,000.00 houses (that's about average here in the Motown suburbs these days)? Not some single Mom raising 3 kids on $11.00/hour at Home Depot. . . And DAMNED SURE not the illegal imigrants working under the table for $5.25/hour. . .

It is estimated that in Metro Motown, we have upward of 50,000 illegals from various parts of the world. Mostly from Mexico and Central America, but also the Middle East and Asia. . .

The US Senate is currently considering tougher imigrations policies and I'm all for that. BUT. . . we can't even keep a 14-year old kid from slipping across the border at night. . . What's wrong with this picture??? President Shrub needs to take his head out of his colon long enough to see the REAL WAR. . .

Write your Senator and DEMAND passage of these new imigration rules. . . At least it's a start. . .

GODDESS help us all. . . .

Sorry for the rambling rant, I'm just being really pissy tonight. . .

HUGGSS!!
Posted by Lauren :: 8:42 PM :: 7 comments

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Utility Bills and One ANAL Bitch. . .

UPDATE: I have not contacted DTE Energy yet, because the past two days at the Hell Hole have been just this side of insane. . . I left here at 7:40 this morning and finally got home after 7 PM. . . Tomorrow appears to be a light day, so perhaps I'll go beat up DTE when I get home. . . The bill isn't due until April 5 anyway. . .

Peace and Love to all. . .

Today's lesson. . . Don't mess with anal people. . . They'll eat your lunch every time. . . My newest victim will be Motown's own DTE Energy.

My current gas and electric bill arrived in my e-mail about 5 days ago. I finally downloaded it last night, only to discover my gas consumption (according to THEM!!) was up by 63% over the the two previous billing periods. . . SAY WHAT??? I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO!!!! I am anal about gas and electric use to the point that people tease me about it. . . Plus, it was considerably warmer last month than the two prior billing periods.

A little further digging reveals that they CLAIM (on the same billing statement) to have replaced my gas meter on February 9. Oddly enough, the meter number on my current bill is the same one it's been since I bought the place in 2004 (yes, I keep old bills, I'M ANAL!!!). So I check the meter and sure enough, same number.

It is also OBVIOUS this meter was NOT replaced as they claimed. I'm taking pictures tomorrow to document it. ANY good mechanic or Engineer can tell you in seconds if bolts, fittings etc. have been moved recently. There are 11 other meters next to it to compare with (Condo). Plus, I would have had to relight the pilot on my water heater had they REALLY shut the gas off to change the meter. It's a physical impossibility to keep the pilot lit and open the system long enough to replace a gas meter.

Next, I recalculated the "actual" meter readings they claim on the bill, only to discover that they are off by 500 cu. ft, or about 5 day's worth based on my past records. Add to that, the actual cost of natural gas went DOWN. This was also stated on the same bill. . .

This is going to be fun!!! I can use their own paperwork to prove they are full of shit!!!

MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!

Being a bitch does have it's bright moments. . . . Check your bills CAREFULLY and keeps records. Why give your money away??

HUGGSS!!
Posted by Lauren :: 8:37 PM :: 15 comments

Monday, March 20, 2006

ACLU Pizza, Acrobatic Cat & Other Schtuff

A friend sent me this link earlier today. If it wasn't such a real possibility, this would be funny. To order your ACLU Pizza click here: Make sure you have your sound turned ON. . .

I mentioned in my last entry that CC is NOT liking his diet. . . So, he keeps coming up with new ways to demonstrate his displeasure. . . Mostly in the form of being obnoxious. Today's new stunt is a classic. . .

I came home for lunch at 11:30, turned on the race on FX, then went to the kitchen to heat up my leftover pasta. CC was at my heels every step of the way. With lunch in the microwave, I went back to watch the race, standing a couple of feet in front of the couch. CC is yapping away and suddenly all 14 lbs. of him is perched on my left shoulder purring in my ear!!! The chubby little shit jumped from the couch, onto me like it was no big deal. . . I nearly peed myself laughing, as he was quite content in doing this and had no intention of leaving. . . OK. . . I'll have to give him an A+ for originality. Goofy CAT!!!

I didn't spend much time blogging over the weekend, since I was working on sorting through about 40 gigabites of data, simply dumped on to DVDs with no hint of organization. If I ever see the moron responsible again, he'll sing Soprano until he croaks. . . This is going to take several nights to completely sort, since my work laptop can't handle this much data. I had to load it to my personal PC to have enough space and speed. SHIT!! At least the boss said OK to my working at home 2 hours a day until it's done. . .

I'll be coming around to catch up when I need a break. I have to see what all of you are up to. I did see Linda's notes on the Tower website. . .

BTW: What the HELL happened to Greg Biffle in the race today? He was up front when I left to go back to work after lunch. He finished 16th!! No wonder you're 25th in the points NITWIT!!! . . . At least I had Kasey Kahne as one of my Group B drivers. . . I knew I should have gone with Mark Martin as my Group A driver. . . Fuckity Fuck Fuck Fuck!!! Oh. . . Carl Edwards Crew Cheif needs to have his ass kicked for not holding Carl until Blaney cleared his pit stall. . . Moron!!

Congrats to Clance' on her high score in the league today!!! Beat me out by 4 points!!

HUGGSS!!

Posted by Lauren :: 7:12 PM :: 7 comments

Friday, March 17, 2006

Erin Go Braugh!!!

Or Erin can go braughless. . . It's none of my business. . . LOL!

I hopes this fine St. Patty's Day finds you in good health, good humor and luvin' life. . .

This Irish Lass can think of no finer way to end the week than celebrating her heritage. . . With a touch of fine Irish whiskey and a pint or two of me favourite Ale. . . For medicinal purposes mind ya!! LOL!!!

And if you're beleive'n that, I have a map to a Pot-O'-Gold I'm willin' to part with for a mere song. . .

OH Lord!!! Now I'm channeling Barry Fitzgerald. . . LOL!!

This has been one long-ass week!! I'm beat and there is a stack of work sitting on my dining room table that needs to done by Monday. . . I LOVE my job. . .I LOVE my job. . . I LOVE my job. . . NO I DON'T!!!! Oh well. . . I didn't have any plans anyway. . .

I have managed to stop by to see what most of you are up to at least a couple of times. I'm glad to see that most of you are doing well.

Sorry about the tele-assholes Babs. . . I've been down that road a time or two. I just pick up the phone and start dialing. . . They don't stick around long. I agree that the voice message was over the line. . . That idiot needs to have his hair parted. . . with a hammer. . .

As for last weekend, there's really not a lot to tell. It was fun meeting several people in person for the first time and I think I may be at a point where I'm willing to venture back into the world again. Only time will tell.

CC and I have been waging a battle of wills this past week. He is NOT liking his diet and has let me know it by strewing the contents of the laundry room trash basket down the hallway a couple of times. . . Tough shit fuzzbutt. . . You're on rations and I control the food supply LOL!! I'm not crazy about my diet either!!! So there!

Not much else to talk about. I'm going to call it an early night and get to the grocery shopping early. I want to miss as many of the idiots as possible.

More tomorrow when I've revived a few more brain cells. . .

HUGGSS!!

Posted by Lauren :: 7:30 PM :: 4 comments

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Quick Note

Hi All!!

Thanks for the great feedback!!! I'll post more in a day or so. . . Really hectic this week. . .

HUGGSS!!
Posted by Lauren :: 9:45 PM :: 6 comments

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Stepping Into The Light

Walking into a room full of people (about 70 in all) has never been easy for me, beacuse I've always been a bit shy (Some would tell you one taco shy of a combo plate, but that's another story LOL!). Doing this after being isolated for over a year just added to the challenge. But, I'm very glad I didn't back out like I did last year.

I was very pleased to spend some time with people I haven't seen in far too long. Pamela was wonderful and I met several others I had only traded e-mail and chat time with. On the down side, I ran into a few I had hoped to NOT see. Yes Apos, we all have a "Goat Lady" or two somewhere in our past. . .

Dinner was about average for catering food, the obligatory rubber chicken and pork roast, pasta, salads and steamed veggies that didn't deserve to meet their end that way. Reducing broccoli and carrots to mush should be a criminal offense. . . Also, a note to caterers everywhere. . . . Wine that comes in a 5 liter box is NOT fit for human consumption. It's $8.99 a box for a reason!! I switched to club soda and lime after about 2 swallows. . .

They did provide us with a smoking area and several of us moved there after dinner to escape the music. I like to talk without having to shout in someone's ear. A lot came out of that conversation and I suspect that I won't be allowed to hide at home for long. That's a good thing. . .

Thanks to all of you who encouraged me to go. You're the best!!!

HUGGSS!!

Posted by Lauren :: 9:47 AM :: 11 comments

How Did It Go????

More tomorrow. . .

I need some sleep. . .

HUGGSS!!
Posted by Lauren :: 12:48 AM :: 2 comments

Friday, March 10, 2006

Weekend Update. . .

For those who asked, the party is tomorrow night.

Nervous? Not so far. . . At this point I have a single focus. Walk though the door and have fun. . .

Pamela is being so sweet. . . She's determined that I do this and I keep reassuring her I'll be there. How could I disappoint her or myself at this stage?

I'm off to start whipping this old girl into shape. I'll get some of the little shit done tonight. Groceries are done and I have all day tomorrow to take my time and get ready.

A full report before my head hits the pillow tommorrow night. . . I promise!!

HUGGSS!!
Posted by Lauren :: 7:49 PM :: 8 comments

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

This Is Just Sick!!!

We've all heard these stories, but this one is the real thing. This case has been pending for a while.

This guy Haynes is one sick puppy. If you haven't had dinner yet, stop right here. . . .

Sheep abuser is center of debate

Man fights inclusion on sex registry

March 3, 2006

BY JIM SCHAEFER
FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER

Jeffrey Haynes, 42, pleaded no contest to sodomy in the case. He was sentenced to 2 1/2 to 20 years in February.

Thelma's wounds are healing now. And yet, when anyone comes close, she gets skittish and mean. Sometimes she'll even ram her head into Lori Wyman, the woman who has raised her since she was just a lamb.

The little red barn with the tin roof where Thelma lives has changed, too. There are extra lights to pierce the shadows and cameras overhead to capture any unusual activity.

Wyman says someone, with some frequency over the last year and a half, invaded her 20-acre property in rural Calhoun County and sexually assaulted Thelma and another sheep named Louise.

She blames one man. And today, in no small part to Wyman's efforts, Jeffrey S. Haynes, 42, is in prison. Haynes pleaded no contest to having sex with Thelma one cold winter night last year on Wyman's farm near Battle Creek.

In recent weeks, the case has gone from office-joke fodder to a cause celebre for animal rights activists. And it has ignited a legal debate that could extend to the Michigan Legislature over whether the judge properly consigned Haynes to the state's sex-offender registry upon his release.

At its heart, the search for Thelma's attacker is also a unique detective story.

Unraveling the mystery

Haynes was paroled from state prison in January 2004, after serving terms for home invasion and breaking and entering. He has relatives near Wyman's farm, and her pet sheep were visible in their pasture from a road that runs past.

Within months, Wyman said someone began invading her property and regularly trashing her sheep barns. When she discovered a rope and a rag near the sheep feeder, she became convinced someone was attacking her animals.

Wyman, a cop in a neighboring community, said she caught Haynes on her property late one night in January 2005 and held him for 40 minutes until Battle Creek police arrived.
Haynes initially told police he entered the farm to relieve himself, then said he had gone behind her barn to pet her sheep.

Wyman showed the officers fresh footprints in the knee-deep snow that went around the barn and urged them to examine Thelma, who appeared to Wyman to be injured.

Police declined to arrest Haynes, which Wyman took as a sign she was not being taken seriously. Undeterred, she called a veterinarian at 1 a.m. to swab the sheep for possible human DNA.

Police shipped the specimen to the State Police crime laboratory in Lansing.

The next day, Detective Sarah Bush questioned Haynes, who was indignant.

"You're accusing me of ... doing something to a sheep?" he asked during the recorded interview.
Before he left, Haynes agreed to give a DNA sample, allowing a police sergeant to swab his mouth.

DNA testing is commonly used in rape cases involving humans, with analysts comparing semen or other fluids found on a victim with material taken from a suspect. State Police Capt. Michael Thomas, director of the forensic science division, said typical DNA analysis takes six months to complete. The Thelma tests took seven months and cost taxpayers about $1,000.

He called the sheep test "very rare, thank God."

Back at the farm, Wyman said strange things were still happening.

The night she caught Haynes, Wyman said she told him she would shoot him if he ever returned to her property. In the following months, she made other calls to police. Bush, the detective, visited the farm and saw a rope tied to a tree, with clumps of wool clinging to it.

In September, Bush met once again with Haynes, but this time she had the lab report linking his DNA to Thelma.

"Unless there's an alien that lives on Mars that came down here and ... has your DNA," Bush said, pausing, "do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Um hmm," Haynes acknowledged. He said later: "If I did do it, which I'm saying I'm not, that is a sick person, and if I did do it, I'm sick."

He was arrested and has been incarcerated ever since.

Since then, local morning DJs lampooned his case, which was publicized on newspaper wire services and on the Internet. Wyman said she heard jokes from family, Battle Creek police, strangers and coworkers -- and found none of them humorous.

After Haynes pleaded no contest to sodomy, Calhoun County Circuit Judge Conrad Sindt sentenced him on Feb. 13 to serve 2 1/2 to 20 years. Labeling Haynes "sexually perverted," Sindt also issued an almost unheard-of order: Haynes must register as a sex offender upon his release.

The judge accepted the view of the county prosecutor, John Hallacy, and animal rights groups, which wrote dozens of letters, arguing that Thelma's violation suggested Haynes also posed a risk to humans.

"He is a cruel monster," wrote an animal lover from Nevada. "Please stop him before his next victim is a child."

Even the late comedian Richard Pryor, a longtime animal activist, asked for the maximum punishment in a letter written two months before he died in December.

Actually, the few studies done on the subject have yielded no consensus on whether there is a link between animal sex abuse and sexual assaults on humans.

At sentencing, Haynes accepted "full responsibility" and said he was sorry, the Battle Creek Enquirer wrote. But he added, "I should not be treated as a child molester." He appealed the registry order.

Hallacy, the prosecutor, conceded this week that upon further review, the law is murky on whether Haynes belongs on the sex offender list. But he said he'll consider asking the Legislature to intervene if a judge reverses the decision.

Haynes' attorneys declined comment. But his ex-girlfriend, Cheryl Handyside, said she doubts Haynes belongs on the registry. But she acknowledged that "the time I was around him, I never thought he'd have sex with a sheep, either."

Posted by Lauren :: 9:37 PM :: 12 comments

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

I Can't Add A Thing To This!!!

UNWRITTEN (Natasha Bedingfield)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Posted by Lauren :: 9:08 PM :: 2 comments

Sunday, March 05, 2006

I Feel Good!!

For the first time in a VERY long time, I really feel good about myself. Somewhere in all the angst in my last few posts, something finally got through. Something finally made me take a long look at myself and come to terms with things that I've allowed to control my life.

I now understand:

I am not 25 anymore. I cannot bring those days back to "do them over," no matter how much I might want to.

I cannot wave my hand and have all the bad shit from my past go away. It's the past, deal with it!!

I am not going to wake up tomorrow morning and be magically transformed into the person I want to be. I can only change certain things and even then it might not be exactly the way I'd like it to be.

I have value and purpose in life. I am capable and I can make a difference.

People care about me, even though I'm a total bitch at times.

Everyone has bad days. The world is not picking on me.

The only person preventing me from being truly happy is me.

I'm human. . . it's time to accept that and start living again.

Posted by Lauren :: 8:38 PM :: 11 comments

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Friday Feast - One Day Late

OK, OK, So this is a day late. Honestly, it's not a recipe' you would make on a weekday, unless you are home all day. So, Saturday or Sunday is a better time to do this one.

When your own mother, who is an outstanding cook, asks you to make soup for her, you know you are on to something.

Lauren's Killer Bean Soup

Shopping List:

1lb. dried great northern beans

2 medium-sized smoked ham shanks or 3 large hamhocks

1 qt. chicken stock (stock, not broth)

2 cups veggie stock (see secondary recipe' below) *

1 1/2 cups coarsly chopped onion

1/2 cup fine chopped green onion or chives (set aside for later)

1 12 oz. can V8 juice

2 tblsp. minced or crushed garlic

1 tblsp. yellow mustard

1 1/2 tsp. coarse black pepper

1 tsp. brown sugar (molasses is a good choice too)

1 tsp. ground Cumin

1 tblsp. dried (or fresh) cilantro

2 tsp. dried (or fresh) Thyme

2 cups of your favorite white wine

Rinse and sort beans by hand (small pebbles sometimes get past the sorting machine. We don't need a trip to the dentist). Add beans to a large soup pot.

Score the rind on the shanks/hocks with a knife and add to pot.

Add 3 cups chicken stock , 2 cups veggie stock and 1 cup cold water. Add the onions (except the fine chopped), garlic, pepper and herbs. Bring the ingrediets to a GENTLE rolling boil, reduce heat, cover a let cook for 2 hours. Add more water or veggie stock if needed. A vigorous boil will kill the flavor very quickly.

Drink 1 cup of the white wine.

Remove the shanks/hocks and remove the meat from the bones and rind. Chop ham into coarse pieces and return to the pot. By now, your kitchen smells wonderful and your tummy should be growling. Add the mustard, and 1/2 tsp brown sugar. Cover and cook for another 30 minutes. Taste and adjust seasonings to your liking. Personally, I like a hint of sweet and garlic.

Add the V8 juice. The soup should be starting to thicken as the beans break down. To thicken the soup even more, you can remove the lid and cook uncovered for a while. You'll need to turn the heat up slightly if you do this.

Drink the other cup of wine. . .

When the beans are tender, adjust the seasonings again and add a SMALL amount of salt if needed. There should already be plenty of salt from the chicken stock and shanks/hocks.

Serve with chopped green onion as a garnish and a pan of fresh cornbread or garlic toast. Enjoy!!!

* Veggie Stock

It is nearly impossible to find veggie stock in stores. Even if you do, it's loaded with salt. Here's an easy way to make your own and it costs almost nothing!!!

Save potato and carrot peelings, onion skins, mushroom stems, leftover cooked veggies and whatever in a ZipLock bag in the freezer. Avoid whole potatos, since they will make the stock very starchy. Use cabbage and brussel sprouts sparingly too, since they will overpower the stock. DO NOT use beets, you'll have really bloody looking stock. Hint: I buy the "reduced for quick sale" veggies that don't look great but are still fine to eat. Smash a few cloves of garlic, add extra onion and a cup or two of fresh frozen corn, green beans, carrots, whatever you like.

When you have enough to fill a 12 qt. soup pot, add veggies and then water to 2 inches below the top of the pot. Don't worry if they aren't all covered, this will cook down a lot.

Bring water up just short of boiling and simmer for 1 1/2 hours on low. DO NOT allow this to boil, or you'll have 8 qts. of garbage. The idea is to STEEP the veggies.

Remove solids with a slotted spoon (this makes great natural fertilizer for your garden. . . OK, that was a little too "Martha" for me too LOL!!!) and discard. The stock should have a very robust flavor. Divide into small containers and freeze. The stock will keep in the freezer for up to 6 months. You'll find many ways to use it in many dishes.

Enjoy!!!

Posted by Lauren :: 5:36 PM :: 6 comments

Friday, March 03, 2006

How Lucky Can A Girl Get??

UPDATE:

I cannot thank all of you who commented enough. After much thought (self-inflicted ass-kicking is a better term lol!) and a lengthy phone call from another friend, I'm here to let you all know. . .

I'm going to the party. . . I'm saying it here in front of everyone. No backing out, no excuses, no whining. . . I'm going!!! I need this, I want this and it's going to happen!!!

Thanks for all the great comments, encouragement and firm but gentle prodding.

HUGGSS!!

I love you people!!!! I nearly deleted my last post two minutes after I put it up (something I do far too much!!!), but something stopped me. I'm so glad I did. . .
Each of you touched my heart with your kind words.

Some of you will remember when I used to have a picture of "myself" as my avatar. I took it down, because it wasn't a true image of who I am. It was the work of a professional makeup artist. It was 2 hours in the chair for a look that lasted less than 8 hours. Granted, I had a ball while it lasted.

There are really two things that keep me from getting out in the world. My appearance is one, since I attach far too much importance to it. The other is just being very uncomfortable (scared shitless!!) in social situations. That is the new part. I have no idea how it happended. I used to love going out to clubs, parties, whatever and meeting people. I loved being around people period!! Now, just going to work is stressful.

I need to answer Pamela (the person willing to drag me through the door) very soon. Part of me is screaming "JUST DO IT!!!" and another part is reminding me that I'm a coward. I want to listen to the first part. . .

Last. . . Chatty, you dear sweet woman. . . You used a word in your comment that made me sit straight up in my chair. The dream part of it is coincidence, I'm sure, but you used the word "crossroads." That is the name of the group hosting the dinner/dance next weekend. . .

Thank you all. I have a lot to think about in the next day or two. . .

I also need to do my Friday Feast entry. . .

HUGGSS!!

Posted by Lauren :: 8:01 PM :: 9 comments

Thursday, March 02, 2006

I Have No Right To Do This. . . .

But I would like some input from my friends here at blogspot about an upcoming situation. . . .

I have been invited to a dinner/dance put on by one of the local Transgender groups. This event is March 11. I was invited last year and made it as far as the parking lot before caving in to my fear and going home.

A member of the group I have never met has been begging me to try again. I know she is only trying to help, but I don't think I can go through with it and I've told her so. As much as I would love to go, I can't get this fear out of my mind.

Several people I used to be close to have written me off as a lost cause. I really can't blame them, because I know deep down it's ME and nothing else holding me back. How long would you wait for someone to get off their ass??

I used to love going out. I've bored people to tears with my stories from my week in Toronto. I know that 90% of my problem is in my own head. . . Why can't I just give this a chance? Why can't I "just do it" and get myself back out in the world???

This person has gone out of her way to try and help me and I feel like shit because I can't do this one simple thing. What the FUCK is wrong with me???
Posted by Lauren :: 8:31 PM :: 11 comments

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Furry, Noisy Alarm Clock

There has been and interesting development in my relationship with the little four-legged critter in this house. . .

My alarm is set for 5:25 AM for normal weekdays, since I need to be up long enough to ingest two cups of tea before I trust myself with any kind of personal grooming tool. A morning person I am NOT!!!!. . .

The new routine works like this. . . .

3:30 - 4:30 AM. . . Wake up having an urgent need to pee. . . Take care of urgent need and return to warm bed. . .

5:25 AM. . . Electronic alarm sounds and is quickly subjected to my fist crushing the snooze bar.

5:34 AM. . . Electronic alarm sounds again, is crushed again and something lands at the foot of the bed with a loud THUMP. . .

5:36 AM. . . Loud purring is blasting into my right ear. . . Source of loud purring is pushed off of the bed. . .

5:43 AM. . . FUCKING clock goes off again!!! Is crushed AGAIN!!!. . .

5:44 AM. . . Loud purring is now followed by pathetic yowl and batting at my right ear. . . Source of noise and irritation pushed from bed again. . .

5:50 AM. . . FUCKING CLOCK!!!!! Source of purring, yowling and batting now laying on my head. . . .

5:51 AM. . . I give up. . . Stumble to the bathroom. . . . Source of purring, yowling and batting follows to make sure I do it correctly. . .

5:53 AM. . . Pour first cup of tea (coffee pot with 24-hour timer used to make tea. . .) and turn on local news and PC. . . Stumble to garage for morning cigarette. . . source of afore-mentioned noise at my heels. . .

6:01 AM. . . Pour second up of tea, stumble to couch, sit down hoping to NOT fall asleep. . . Watch morning weather and traffic reports. . . Why?. . . Force of habit (I used to commute 25 miles each way). . . I now have a 10 minute commute on the worst days. . . Furry source of noise takes position at my feet and stares, just in case I might move. . .

6:20 AM. . . Stumble to PC, check e-mail and blogspot. . . Source of noise follows. . . Maybe answer a post or two. . .

6:40 AM. . . Stumble to shower with 3rd cup of tea, hoping I'll be swept down the drain. Furry source of noise stands guard at the door. . .

7:15 AM. . . Dress, gather laptop and other shit I need to take with me. . . Yowling begins again and source of noise trips me 3 times in a 10 ft. walk. . .

7:17 AM. . . Stumble to laundry room, put food in bowl for source of noise, batting and tripping. . . Source of noise, etc. looks at me like I'm Scrooge and shoves face in bowl. . .

7:19 AM. . . Back out of garage wondering why I didn't just feed the little shit in the first place. . .

Answer. . . I ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer at 4:30 AM. . .

And I wouldn't trade that little shit for anything!!!!

I love my furry little CC. . .

HUGGSS!!

Posted by Lauren :: 7:47 PM :: 8 comments