Damned if I Know!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

On The Disabled List

No, not me silly. . . But the Laurenmobile AKA: "Silver Bullet" is resting peacefully in her semi-private room at the Dealership tonight. This, after she mysteriously developed a noticable lack of connection between the steering wheel and the tires. . . Of course my razor-sharp engineering mind immediately reached the conclusion that something was seriously wrong. . . I'm management material I tell ya!!!

So. . . . I'm in a rental (at the Dealer's expense YAY!!!) tonight. This would normally mean some "rode-hard-&-put-up-wet" econobox, but no. . . My lease calls for a replacement vehicle of "equal or greater value." Sooooo. . . I'm driving a 5000 lb. luxo-barge sedan that can only be described as a; "Leather couch on wheels with windows." The back seat is not only big enough to get laid, but you could serve a catered breakfast for four the next morning!! I'm dead serious here. . . The demographic target for this car is Bob Hope and George Burns. Yes, they are both dead. . . That was my point!!!

This car is so devoid of feeling and personality, I thought I was driving my Ex for a moment. . . This car is for people who don't want to know they are driving, which explains why you see them doing 30 mph in the fast lane on I75 at rush hour. . . People who buy this car are essentially dead. . . The audio system can only be appreaciated by someone with hearing aids in both ears. . . with dead batteries. . . And the AC system has two settings. . . "Walk-In Freezer" and "Blast Furnace". . .

You've been a great audience. . . . Try the Veal Cutlet. . . And please tip your waitress. . . She prefers horizontal. . . I'll be here all week!!!! Goodnight Everbody!!!

Damn!!! I needed that. . . The last few weeks have been non-stop work, but there's a 4-day weekend coming up for Independence Day. . . YEE FREAKIN' HAWWWWWW!!! That is, after I work this coming Sunday. . . something I just found out today. It would have to fall on the weekend NASCAR runs on a road course!!! My second favorite race of the year DAMN!!

The rental car just seemed like the icing on the cake. Don't get me wrong, it's a very nice car, it's just SO. . . NOT. . . LAUREN!!!!

Hope Y'all had a great day!!!

HUGGSS!!

Posted by Lauren :: 8:51 PM :: 6 comments