Damned if I Know!

Stick A Fork In Me. . .

2007-05-03T20:08:00.000-04:00

'Cause I'm done here. Between my job, my other job, a relationship that is rapidly going down the shitter and all the other bullshit in my life right now, something has to go. This blog is the something and the relationship isn't far behind. The last thing I need right now is to be living in someone elses' soap opera. . . Been down that path one time too many.

Fear not, I plan to stay in touch with several of you, but trying to maintain this blog is just not on the agenda any more.

I wish you all well on whatever road you choose in life.

BIG HUGGSS!! to you all. . . I love you!!!

The Motown Bitch. . .

Anna & Imus & Al. . . OH GAWD!!!

2007-04-15T21:46:00.000-04:00

OK. . . We now know who the father of of Anna Nicole's baby is. . . Can we stop spending time with any more press bullshit on this topic???

Don Imus has apologized for making some really stupid comments and has lost his job as a result. Anyone who has listened to Imus once knows the man is an idiot. . . Let's move on.

The Reverend Al Sharpton has his panties in a knot over Imus, but doesn't seem to be overly concerned about the young men and women from our military being murdered in Iraq (many of whom are African American). . . What's wrong with that picture??? Would he be as pissed off if the comments had been about gay men or Transexuals??? I'm guessing, NO!!

I have all but stopped watching the news, because it's nothing more than video clips and sound bites of people with an axe to grind, or the networks playing up some teenage punk who thought the world was against him and shooting innocent people was a good idea.

Worst of all, WE ARE TO BLAME. . . The only reason this crap gets played this way is because we like it. We feed off the misfortune of others. That somehow validates us as being better than them. . . . BULLSHIT!!

We all know what is right and what is wrong. It's time we got off our lazy, fat asses and tell the media and Washington we have had enough. Write the companies that advertise during the news too. . . They don't like to hear that you won't buy their fat laden, overpriced, gas guzzling garbage because they sponsored a pack of lies. . .

No wonder Anna Nicole did drugs. . . Maybe she was the sane one. . .

I Haven't Fled The Country. . .

2007-03-29T19:42:00.000-04:00

. . . YET!!!

It's been a bit frantic this last week and I need to get out and catch up on blogs. I'll try to do that this weekend.

In the mean time, watch this music video and then tell me what is very strange about it. . . Let's see how observant you are. . .

Watch Videos:

Candyman (Christina Aguilera) Video Codes by VideoCodeZone.Com

Until I can return. . . .

HUGGSS!!

BTW: Babs is excused from this challenge since the light hurts her eyes. . .

OK. . . OK. . . OK. . .

2007-03-20T20:34:00.000-04:00

My apologies for the long delay, it's been a little wierd here in Motown. Between the re-org at work and a nasty case of the flu, I've either been living in my office or my bathroom lately. . . Guess which one I would rather toss my cookies in at this point. . .

I'm still trying to get caught up. I may be able to post something new this weekend. . .

In the mean time, think about this. . . The White House burns up more energy in one day for heating and cooling alone, than the average American home uses in 3 years. . . Now tell me, who needs to get their priorities in order??? Shouldn't "The Shrub" practice what he preaches???

HUGGSS!!

It Sucks To Be A Survivor. . .

2007-03-05T20:15:00.000-05:00

If you have watched the prime time "Reality" show Survivor, you know the entire premise is built on teamwork and social acceptance, the latter being the primary issue. Each week, another person is "voted off the island," because they weren't a team player or the other people just didn't like them. . . This is why I don't watch "Reality Shows."

Over the last three years I have watched our company turn into a giant version of Survivor. Every few months the Management votes a few more people off the island. In some cases, this did get some unproductive people out of the equation. Unfortunately, we ran out of those folks about 3 rounds ago. Losing the fat is one thing, but when you start cutting away the muscle. . .

Last week I watched as nearly 33% of our salaried workers accepted "voluntary" retirement packages and left the company. I can't even begin to calculate the total years of knowledge and experience that left the building that day. Some were within a year or two of the minimum age and time of service to retire, many more were not. . . I said farewell to a lot of people I have known for years and valued not only as coworkers, but friends as well. I'll remain close to some, but will lose track of many more, simply because it will be too painful for them to continue those ties.

So here I sit, one of the "survivors," trying to figure out how we continue to do what we did with twice the people five years ago. . . We no sooner reorganize, then we have to toss it all aside and reorganize again. . . We learn to do more with less, to work smarter and resign ourselves to the fact that we still have to get it all done. . . And we do. . .

Until the next episode of "Survivor."

Yes, I know I should be happy I still have a job. . . But at what point does it become so overwhelming that it just isn't worth it any more???

Maybe those that left the island last week had already figured that out. . .

Some days I have to wonder why I haven't been voted off the island. . .

Coming Soon. . . .

2007-02-26T22:04:00.000-05:00

No, I'm not dead. . . I just look that way some days. . . LOL!!

Coming soon:

Why do people ask???. . .

It sucks to be a survivor. . . .

When did children and drunks take over???. . .

These are all posts in progress. It's been a little hectic. . .

And there may be a "BoA Sucks - Part Deux" in the near future. . .

Love Y'all!!!!

Bank of America - A Rant!!!

2007-02-20T21:21:00.001-05:00

I got a call from some guy tonight who did a very poor job of identifying himself, telling me that my last payment to BoA had been rejected by my bank as an unkown account. Bad to the extent that I hung up on him thinking he was trying to jack my identity.

I went online to find that I was locked out of my account because I was delinquent. . . OK, sure that makes A LOT OF SENSE!!!. . .NOT!!

I spent the next 2 1/2 hours talking to incompetent morons, in between being put on hold for 15 minutes at a time. They changed my logon ID, password, account number, shoe size, phone number, my Mother's maiden name, my Father's Draft Board status (He's 77). . . and my Sister's bra cup size (is there really AAAA cup?). . . Still, no access to my account. . . And they got pissy with ME because I was being "uncoopertive!!!!"

When I finally got someone on the phone who could actually get anything straight, I told her I wanted to talk to a manager that could explain why this all happened. . . She started to give me an 800 number to call. . . No, I want someone to call ME and explain WHY they employ IDIOTS!!!! WHY I wasted 2 1/2 hours of MY time trying to find ANYONE who knew what the FUCK they were doing!!!

Through all of this, I had to keep telling people to speak up so I could hear them, since they seem to think that pushing their headsets aside and mumbling will somehow make me go away so they can get back to playing Solitaire. . . ASSHOLES!!!

If I did business this way, I would be living in a cardboard box on the side of the freeway. . . (insert your favorite Yellowdog Granny "Fuck Me" quote here. . . .). . .

End of rant. . .

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO YOU!!!!!!

2007-02-14T20:28:00.000-05:00

I want to wish you all a very happy Valentine's Day!!

My blog buddies are the greatest group of people I've ever known. . . HUGGSS!! and KISSES to you all!!!!

Love Y'all!!!

The Cat Farted. . . Honest!!! . . .

2007-02-12T18:25:00.000-05:00

. . . At least that's what I'd have told anyone coming to my door tonight.

I came home today to be nearly knocked over by a foul smell in my house when I opened the door. I knew it wasn't natural gas, but it was equally nasty. I knew it couldn't be the trash, since I never put anything in the can that could stink. So, I immediately assumed CC had been eating something he shouldn't. . . No good either, since I control his food supply and he never goes outside.

After a few minutes, it finally dawned on me that I hadn't checked the floor drains in the laundry room and furnace/water heater closet lately. . . Sure enough, both had gone dry, allowing sewer gas to back up into my house. . . EEEEWWWW!!!!! GAG!!!!!!

After dumping water and bleach down both drains, I opened all of the windows. . . Screw the fact that it's 20 degrees F outside, I was ready to toss my cookies!!!! I also lit 3 of my black cherry candles in various rooms and it's starting to smell a little better in here. . .

New addition to my weekly Outlook calendar. . . "Add water to floor drains. . ."

I hate Mondays!!!!

HUGGSS!!

Schools Closed??????

2007-02-05T22:18:00.000-05:00

To quote Yellowdog Granny. . . FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

I flipped on the news this morning while I was waking up to find that almost every school district in SE Michigan was closed. . . Did we get 8 inches of snow last night???. . . NO. . . Did the water system suddenly shut down???. . . NO. . . Was there a massive power outage???. . . NO. . .

It was cold. . . WTF???? Yes, it was too cold to have the schools open. . . It went down to -4* F last night. . . I'm sorry, but they didn't close my job today, they didn't shut down the roads. . . It's cold, DEAL WITH IT!!!

Are our kids that soft that we have to close the schools because it's cold?? What's next . . We close the schools every time it rains??? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!!! If the little darlings can't put on a coat, hat and gloves, they have far greater problems than the temperature. . .

And the school closings are already piling up for tomorrow. . . It's going below zero again tonight. . . Who the fuck is running this horror show anyway???

Get a grip people, it's winter in Michigan. . . It's cold. . . Deal with it!!!

My Name Is Lauren And I'm. . .

2007-02-04T14:28:00.000-05:00

. . . an HGTV addict. . .

Yes, it's true. . . I watch HGTV more than anything else on TV. . . My remote thinks I'm cheating when I go to The Food Channel or watch the local news. . . People call me and ask what's on HGTV right now, because they know I can answer correctly every time.

It started innocently enough. . . I was looking for ideas to decorate my condo. . . It felt really good when I saw something that jumped out at me. I was able to apply things I learned and have become pretty good at color coordination. . . OOOHH!! The colors. . .

But, I started catching myself tuning in just to see what Joan Steffand could create with $500.00 in one day on "Decorating Cents". . . Watching "Divine Design" not only for the ideas, but to see how big Candice's tummy was getting while she was preggers. . . Watching "Designing for the Sexes," just to see what ugly shit Michael Payne would show people before showing them the perfect compromise. . . "Mission: Organization" just to see what filthy hell-hole they'll clean up next. . . "Designed to Sell," just to see what people let happen to their homes. . . EEWW!!. . . I watch "I Want That," because I really DO want that. . .

There may be no hope for me. . . I've got a ladder on my back. . . I need my fix. . .

Gotta run, it's time for "reDesign". . . Kenneth Brown is just cute as hell. . . .

It's a damned good thing the DIY channel is pay-per-view. . .

Moving Forward. . .

2007-01-31T21:07:00.000-05:00

Dear Friends. . . .

I am writing this with the idea of posting it to both my Blog and P2P. Not that it really makes any difference, but I wanted to make sure I deliver the same message to both groups and don’t use any names along the way. If some parts of this don’t make sense, you can attribute it to the group you don’t belong to. . .

The last few months have been a huge learning experience for me. I have gone back into therapy and taken a long, hard look at what I really want the rest of my life to be.

My new Therapist has been great!! She had no prior experience with Transgender issues, but was willing to listen to me and study the subject. In short, Marsha has been a breath of fresh air. She has given me insights without giving advice, and has been totally supportive of how I feel. She has let me come to my own conclusions and make my own decisions. . .

Having said that, I have made a few decisions about how I plan to live my life, at least for the near future. . . .

I now understand that my feminine traits can peacefully co-exist with my male birth gender. Who cares? I have no pressing need to live as a woman.

I do not have to dress femme to express my feminine attributes. . . I will just be ME for everyone. The package doesn’t mean a damned thing. . . I have enjoyed my femme adventures over the last couple of years and wouldn’t change a thing. But. . .

I do not have to explain myself to anyone. . . This is me, take it or leave it. . . Those who choose to accept me will get to know a very unique person. . . The others. . . They lose. . .

To all of you who have been so supportive of me along the way these last couple of years. . . I love you and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I will continue to be a member of P2P as long as I’m welcome. . . I may not post much, but those who know me best understand why I made these choices.

As for my blog. . . It will stay the same for now, but I may slowly migrate to a new home. You can rest assured that wherever I end up, I’ll still be the Motown Bitch. . .

In either case. . . My door is always open, the coffee and tea are always hot, and the love is ever-present. . . HUGGSS!! are ALWAYS free and liberally applied. . .

I love you all. . .

Lauren

Blown Away

2007-01-29T15:09:00.000-05:00

I am so thrilled at all of the wonderful e-mails, e-cards, comments and posts I have had today. What a great bunch of bloggers I know. Thank you all for making my birthday so special!!!

For all you NASCAR fans, don't forget that today is Clance McClannahan's birthday too. Pop over to the Church and wish her a great day!! http://churchofthegreatoval.blogspot.com/

I'm working on another post, but I've been a bit distracted the last few days.

Thank you all again!!!

Who Monitors This Stuff??

2007-01-25T19:49:00.000-05:00

I ran across this little gem earlier today. I have to wonder who was watching the iguana closely enough to figure it out. . . I don't know whether to laugh my ass off or feel sorry for the little guy. . . .

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070125/od_nm/iguana_erection_dc_1

I'll be back this weekend to post some news. . .

Laterz!!!

Kid's Shows

2007-01-19T20:41:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure why (other than the 3 glasses of wine I've had tonight), but I was thinking about some of the more memorable kid's shows from MY childhood (yes, I was one once!!!), through the early days of my kids.

Here, dear friends, is my (somewhat) twisted view of what these shows were REALLY about:

Captain Kangaroo

Here's a slightly chubby, middle age guy with a pageboy hairut and mustache, who hangs out with a farmer, a rabbit and a moose. . . I'm thinkin' there was some pretty wierd shit goin' on back stage. . . No wonder I would rather just forget my childhood. . .

Howdy Doody

Ol' Buffalo Bob hangin' with Howdy, whose strings are forever being yanked by bad jokes. Worse, they made the poor little wooden head hawk sugar-coated breakfast cereals and other useless crap. . . Then there's Clarabelle the Clown, Princess Winter-Spring-Summer-Fall and a few others just to add to the wierdness. Great character-building stuff that was . . . . Tell me drugs weren't popular in the 50s. . . .

Romper Room

I'm thinkin' Miss Nancy had another agenda going on behind the scenes. Nobody is that sweet. . . Not even me LOL!!

The Mickey Mouse Club

Let's face it, Ol' Walt was a perv. . . He had a thing for Annette, or maybe Tommy. . . Or both. . .

Bozo the Clown

This was a franchise deal with a different Bozo in every major city. . . Not unlike Congress. . . My fondest memory of our local Bozo (this was a live broadcast in the late 60s) was a wide shot of the studio audience with a little boy about 6, flipping off the camera. Bozo squatted down beside the little darling and said: "That's a Bozo No-No". . . To which the kid replied. . . "Climb it clownie". . . . Priceless!!

Soupy Sales

Based in Motown and syndicated around the country, the Soupster was the master of the double entandre. His show was as much for adults as the kids. Some of the outtakes I've seen from his show are priceless.

I had the good fortune to meet him in the mid-90s when he was doing a comedy club tour. His stage show was a masterpiece. I cried when I heard he had passed away.

H.R. Pufnstuf

I don't think it's any secret what Ol' H.R. was puffin. . . . 'Nuff said???

Mr. Rogers

Sorry, I'm not even goin' there. . . I think Eddie Murphy nailed it on SNL. . .

PeeWee's Playhouse

Let's see. . . Ol' PeeWee gets nailed by the cops for "skinin' the lizzard" in a porno theater. . . What more do we need to know??

Teletubbies

I'm pretty sure those things on the tops of their heads were handles, so you could throw them far far away from your children. . .

Barney and Friends

Don't even get me started on what was wrong with THAT picture. . .

Feel free to add any of your favorites. I'm sure I forgot a few. . .

Plus, I know there were hundreds of local kids’ shows in other major markets. Among them here:

Mr. Hotdog (yes, I CAN prove it!!!), Captain Muddy (a tug boat captain on the Detroit River), Johnny Ginger (a bellhop, who hosted some of the worst cartoons ever seen) and Al E. Kat & Panzy (really bad puppets with seemingly no script or other direction). . . They weren't good at "winging it". . .

Enjoy your weekend!!!

HUGGSS!!

Spiders and More Stuff About Me

2007-01-10T19:27:00.000-05:00

HI all!!!. . . I've been a very bad girl, letting so much time go between posts. It's been a little crazy the last week or so, but that's no excuse.

The link below will take you to Canada's version of You Tube. I found this particular clip very interesting, since I've never really seen any medical studies on spiders before today. It gets off to a bit of a slow start, but I think you'll find it fascinating.

http://www.filecabi.net/video/spiders-drugs.html

In other news from the Motown Bitch. . .

I mentioned a couple of posts back that I have been seeing a new Psych and we've been talking about how to best let Lauren be a part of my everyday life, despite the fact I'll never be able to fully transition. Marsha (previously referred to as Dr. M) has been working with me to let Lauren become the dominant influence in how I live my everyday life. I've purposely kept my public life (work, family etc.) and my true self segregated, causing some very confused feelings and contributing to my depression.

The first major step was to get my sorry ass out of this house for something more than work and grocery shopping. Actually socialize a little, but let Lauren run the show. It's been much easier than I thought it would be. My first assignment was to get back in touch with someone I haven't seen in a while. My dear friend Kat and I have had a couple of great lunches and talk/e-mail almost daily. We had been out of touch for over two years. I didn't realize how much I've missed her. She is a friend in every sense of the word. We've known each other for almost 20 years and have been through some very trying times together. More about that another time. . . .

The second assignment was to get together with someone I know casually, but have never socialized with. Enter MB. . . who works for a local business I frequent and has the most wonderful personality. We met shortly after I moved here and have had some great chats. I suggested a casual meeting and I now have a great new friend!! More about that another time too. . .

Through all of this, Lauren has been in control. Kat knows about Lauren and I have explained my assignment. She addresses me as Lauren and is in full support, because she now sees my real personality, not the image I lived so miserably for years. MB only knows (so far) that I am a very gentle person who enjoys things more typical of a woman. I was completely blown away when I found out MB has two gay, adult children who are totally accepted for who they are by the entire family.

I'll be seeing Marsha again next week. I've e-mailed her a couple of progress reports, but I'm really looking forward to talking with her. It's been almost a month since my last appointment.

I feel pretty damned good right now. . . I'm liking this feeling!!! But, don't think for one moment that my bitchy side is going away. That just wouldn't be me LOL!!

Many thanks to those of you who helped get me to this point. My Blogger friends have been the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. You know who you are.

And this parting thought from scull jockey Sidney Friedman, one of my favorite characters from MASH:

"Pull down your pants and slide on the ice". . .

Love Y'all!!!

HUGGSS!!

To All of My Wonderful Friends. . . .

2006-12-31T15:32:00.000-05:00

2006 has been a year of changes for so many of us. Some good, some we would all rather not have had to deal with. But through it all, we have somehow managed to keep our heads in the right place and do what needed to be done.

The wonderful friends I have here at Blogger mean more to me with every passing day. Whether you realize it or not, each of you has, in some way, made a positive contribution to my life. The encouragement, understanding and the occasional kick in the rump have helped me to grow and move forward with my life. For that my friends, I am forever grateful.

As we welcome 2007, I ask each of you to take a moment to think about how fortunate most of us are. We go to bed at night in a warm home with a full tummy. Sometimes a little too full for our own good. We don't have to worry about our government breaking down our doors in the middle of the night to take away what little we have, just because they can do so. Anyone willing to make the effort can have an education. For most of us, healthcare is readily available, even if we can't always afford it. In short, if you are reading this, you are among a group that hundreds of millions people would consider the richest people on earth.

Sometimes, we lose sight of just how good we really have it. Today is a good day to remember that and ask ourselves how we can help to share our wealth with those who can only dream of such things. It doesn't take much to make a difference. It just takes getting off our spoiled butts and doing something, anything, to brighten the prospects for someone you will never meet or know.

Sometime in 2007 try to:

Say hello to a total stranger and wish them a beautiful day

Go through all those clothes you haven't worn in ages and donate them

Pick one day and volunteer at a hospital or homeless shelter

Drop a few coins in a donation canister for a local charity

Tell those closest to you how much you love them often. You can't say it too much

Above all, take the time to enjoy a beautiful sunny day and remind yourself of just how good you really have it in this world.

Have a safe and happy New Year!!

Much love to you and yours. . . .

Lauren

HUGGSS!!

Lauren's Changing World

2006-12-27T20:16:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted much over the last couple of months. I've tried to keep up with comments and I've added a couple of rants, but nothing of any real substance. My job has had a lot to do with that, but there have been other things going on as well.

I started seeing a Psychologist again about 2 months ago. I needed to get some new input as to my options and decided that Rosemary (the previous Psych) wasn't the person for the job. Enter Dr. M. . . (She hates it when I call her that LOL!).

Little by little, I've been inching myself out of my self-imposed cave. We've talked extensively about who and what I am and where I want to go from here. Her insights have been a breath of fresh air. I no longer feel like I'm trapped. I know I have options and can still live my life as the person I truly am.

There have also been some other changes recently that have added to my improved outlook on my life. Can't get in to those just yet, but Lauren is beginning to feel like a whole new woman. . . Stay tuned. . . .

HUGGSS!!

HAVE YOURSELF A. . . .

2006-12-24T19:43:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannuka, Kwanzaa, or whatever you choose to celebrate. May your day be filled with laughter, good food and drink, great friends, family and above all, peace and love.

Please take a moment tomorrow to honor our sons, daughters, husbands, wives and friends who will be thousands of miles from home serving our country. Whether you agree with the situation or not, those men and women are away from their families to do a dirty job nobody should ever have to do.

As we approach the beginning of 2007, I wish all of my wonderful blog friends the very best in all they do. Denise, Babs, Jackiesue, Apos, Kevin, Clance, Carina, Linda, Nitwit, Donna, Patti. . I love you all from the bottom of my heart. You have become a part of my family. I can't begin to tell you how much your friendship and support means to me.

Peace, love and HUGGSS!! . . . from The Motown Bitch

BTW: Don't forget. . . Babs' birthday is this coming Sunday, 12-31. . . . Be sure to send her an appropriate greeting. . .

Love Y'all!!

Wish List

2006-12-17T17:42:00.000-05:00

UPDATE!!!!:

Well, one of my three "may I haves" was anwered today. I WILL have a job next year. . . YAY!!!!!!!!!. . . It sounds like I may have some added duties (OH GOODY!! I hate sleep anyway. . .), but I have a job.

Thanks Carina. . . I don't generally celebrate Christian Holidays, but this one really made me think.

Santa please may I have:

1: A holiday with my family that does NOT include; racist comments, gay bashing and people getting completely bombed before dinner.

2: Some sign that I'm still going to have my job next year.

3: A new PC, because this one is going to implode any day now.

Santa, please no:

1: Any further escalation of this insane war in Iraq.

2: Any additional blows to the US auto industry.

3. Senseless violence in our cities.

I'm not tagging anyone, but feel free to share your wish list.

I wish all of you peace, love and prosperity in the New Year. . .

HUGGSS!!

FOAD Thursday

2006-12-14T19:36:00.000-05:00

Well Denise, you asked and I think this is the perfect time for my first FOAD Thursday. A little late in the day I know, but here we go. . . .

Local Retailers: If you are going to advertise a special, at least have the common courtesy to actually HAVE the product in the store!!! When the sale price starts on Saturday and the shelf is empty at 7:30 AM, there can only be one explanation. . . YOU FUCKED UP!! KISS MY ASS!!!

My Neighbors: Living in a Condo community means we have rules. One of those rules is to pay your monthly dues ON TIME!!! Don't ask for an extension after I saw the appliance store dropping off your new 52 in. Plasma TV. . . BITE ME!!!!!. . . And get those GAWD AWFUL decorations off of the common property. Read the fucking by-laws!!!! DICKHEAD!!!

My Suppliers: When we assign deadlines for projects, they ARE NOT a suggestion. That is when the project is due!!!! I DO NOT appreciate spending an extra 15 hours a week helping you catch up, because you were letting shit go, and then lied to me about what you had completed!! I don't give repeat business to people who fuck me over. . . And thank you SO much for making me look like a total FUCKING idiot to MY boss. . . FUCK OFF AND DIE!!!!! I hope your Christmas lights short out and set your fucking Lexus on fire. . .

Local News Media: A car fire on the expressway IS NOT "BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!" It's a fucking traffic alert!!! It only affects the people who use THAT expressway, not the entire Metro area. . . We only have about 120 miles of expressway around here!! The same thing goes for snow fluries. . . IT'S SNOW!!!, not a fucking Sunami!!. . . Slow down and PAY ATTENTION!!

And finally. . . .

My Loving Family: Thank you SO much for waiting until the last FUCKING minute to make Holiday plans!! It's really no big deal for me to completely change the plans I've had in place for two months to accomodate YOUR child's schedule. We all know I have no fucking life anyway!!! And while we're at it, sending me a list of SUGGESTED gifts for your little darlings, who can't be bothered to acknowledge MY existance unless it's THEIR birthday or Christmas, takes a lot of balls!!! Sorry, I may have a cold that day. . . UP YOURS!!!!

BAH!! HUMBUG!!!

That concludes the first. . . but hardly the last FOAD Thursday from "The Motown Bitch!!"

I feel MUCH better now. . . .

Things I've Done

2006-12-10T17:22:00.000-05:00

I stole this from Denise, who stole it from someone else. . . .

The things that I have done are in bold.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive (Rode in one at 150 mph)
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
8. Said “I love you” and meant it
9. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving (never again!!)
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow (I grew up on a dairy farm)
56. Alphabetized your CDs (yes, I'm really THAT anal LOL!)
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie (Several industrial videos)
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone (Does Detroit count?)
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge (Walked the Mackinac Bridge {5 miles} 3 times)
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking (daily!)
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth (see #55)
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi (yes, EEEWWWW!!!!)
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions (I should have though)
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts (this junk heap is my third!!)
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head (long story, don't ask. . .)
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

Some of those I'm not proud of, but I did them just the same. . . .

I'll be back soon. . .

HUGGSS!!

Short-N-Sweet

2006-11-29T18:34:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note to let you know I'll be gone for a short time. Too much going on at work and my blogging needs to take a back seat for a little while. I'll be back before the Holidays, I promise.

HUGGSS!!

Thought For The Day. . .

2006-11-22T19:58:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving to all you Turkeys!!!!

Love Y'all!!

Dear Fast Food Sales Representative. . .

2006-11-21T21:06:00.000-05:00

. . . I realize for our state's minimum wage of $6.85/hr, I cannot expect a PowerPoint presentation of my menu choices or any free upgrades. However, I do feel it is reasonable to expect that I will not have to compete for your attention with your Blue Tooth conversation with you friend about how "BITCHIN" your date was last night. I also feel I'm within my rightful expectations to be greeted cordially and perhaps even get a smile while you take the money from my hand that pays your wages. . . If I am wrong in this expectation, please accept my sincere apologies for wasting your valuable time and causing you any undue mental anguish. . . I'll try to be more respectful next time. . . Not that there WILL be a next time, but I felt compelled to make you feel better about yourself. . .

Also, you might wish to pass this suggestion along to the Sandwich Assembly Engineers. . . It is generally accepted that the protien portion of a sandwich (beef, ham, chicken, fish, cheese etc.) and requested condiments be evenly distributed between the upper and lower portion of the grain-based delivery substrate (aka bun). Attempting to consume a sandwich in which the proper alignment of the sandwich components exceeds 50% misalignment does not meet generally accepted quality standards and makes for an extremely messy dining experience. If this is, again, an unrealistic expectation, please accept my sincere apologies. It was not my intent to be overly critical of your work skills. . . I know you'll understand completely when the new bright red car you parents buy for you comes with one blue door. . .

Respectfully yours,

Lauren

The bitchy customer. . . .

cc: US Postal Service employees, grocery store cashiers, bank tellers, car wash attendants, pharmacy technicians and any other customer service representatives who may see this. . .

Having A Bad Day?

2006-11-17T20:46:00.000-05:00

This little ditty was big here in Motown about 20 years ago. A local morning drive radio team used to play it every morning at 7:45 AM, while I was on my daily one hour commute. After all these years, I finally found it and wanted to share with all of you. I laughed as hard tonight hearing it as I did 20 years ago. . . Go ahead and click on the link, you know you want to. . . .

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4591108324303185169&q=half+life&pl=false

I feel much better now. . . .

HUGGSS!!

BTW: The song was originally recorded by "The Fools" in 1985. I have no idea who set the music to the rather macabre slide show (other than the fleeting credit to "kirby"), but it all fits pretty well. . .

The Week In Review

2006-11-10T19:54:00.000-05:00

Well, boys and girls. . . This has been quite a week, hasn't it? The Dems kick ass and take names in the election and suddenly:

George is re-thinking his position on Iraq. . .

Rumsfeld is last seen falling on his sword. . .

And George's worst nightmare is now the Speaker of the House. . . .

Sick `em Nancy!!!!!!!!!!!

Stay tuned. . . This is gonna get interesting. . . .

I love this country!!!!!!

HUGGSS!!

BTW: If you need a good laugh, try this one: http://www.bushorchimp.com/pics.html

Goodbye Jack

2006-11-10T17:23:00.000-05:00

Jack Palance, (born Volodymyr Palanyuk [Ukr: Володимир Паланюк] on February 18, 1919, in Hazle Township, Pennsylvania, USA), died November 10, 2006, is an Academy Award-winning American actor.
With his rugged facial features and gravelly voice, Palance is best known to modern movie audiences as both the characters of Curly and Duke in the City Slickers movies, but his career has spanned half a century of film and television appearances.
Palance had recently placed his Butler Township, Pennsylvania, Holly-Brooke Farm up for sale and its contents, his personal lifetime collection, up for auction.[1]
As of Friday afternoon, November 10, 2006, the Associated Press is reporting that Jack has passed away at his home in Motecito, CA.

Can Ya Feel The Love???

2006-11-05T18:10:00.000-05:00

Well, maybe we got through to a few people after all. Since our community meeting, I've had 10 calls from people thanking us for what we are doing or apologizing for the individuals who acted like a total horse's ass. . .

I had two other calls from people who think I'm a total horse's ass. . . Guess I should be happy they were moved to at least call. I think a good movement was exactly what they needed in the first place. . . I also got a chuckle when a little old man I asked to be quiet in the meeting drove past me on my walk this morning and flipped me off. . . I'm sorry sir, but I'm pretty sure yours hasn't pointed in that direction in quite some time, but thank you for the thought anyway. . .

I can only imagine what will happen when the next newsletter goes out in a week or so. I haven't heard from anyone who was too busy to attend the meeting. There should be a few laughs in that too. . . Those folks go on my; "Ya don't get to bitch if ya didn't attend" list. . .

The one truth about community service is: "If some people aren't pissed off at ya, you aint doin' it right."

Get out and VOTE Tuesday. . . Then ya can bitch all ya want. . . I know I will!!! LOL!!!

HUGGSS!!

The Rules Don't Apply To Me. . .

2006-11-02T21:40:00.000-05:00

. . . Because my personal needs are more important than everyone elses' needs. I'm special. . . I can't be held to the same standard as others, because that would be unfair. . . To me. . .
Rules are for everyone else. Rules are for people who don't think the way I do. Rules are for people who are such stupid sheep they are willing to follow them. . .

That seems to be the attitude of far too many people these days. I don't know whether to laugh, cry, scream or just go out and beat a homeless person with a crowbar. . . I'm pretty sure I won't select option 4.

Yes, last night my partner and I hosted our first community meeting since we were elected last summer. We spent countless hours of our own time looking at the the community rules and other issues that affected everyone and addressed those. . .

Now my partner and I understand why nobody else wanted the job. . . You can't please ANYBODY!!!. . . And we don't give a flyin' FUCK!!! . . . You elected us and we are going to do the job!!! GOT THAT?!?!?! We didn't take the job to be popular!! We didn't take the job because it pays so well. . . Because we do it FREE!! We took the job because it needs to be done. . . DIPSHIT!!

We talked for over an hour tonight and we're more determined than ever to make this work. . . And we will. . . Because we are the two most determined BITCHES on the face of the earth! . . .

Sometimes ya have to piss people off just to get them to pay attention. . .

We're pretty good at that already. . .

When I grow up I wanna be Yellowdog Granny!!!!

Love y'all!!!

Putting the GOOBER in the Gubernatorial Race

2006-10-24T20:58:00.000-04:00

There is a very nasty race for Governor in Michigan this year. Republican Dick Devos (former CEO of AMWAY . . . Scary by itself!!) is running against Demacratic incumbent Jennifer Granholm.

Here is one of the latest Granholm spots that puts Mr. Devos in the truly scary light he deserves. . . Just click on the link below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SA29xUdYrbQ

See what I mean???

Love Y'all!!!

HUGGSS!!

One FLU Over the Cookoo's Nest

2006-10-22T19:05:00.000-04:00

If you're a regular reader of JackieSue you're familiar with her phrase; "I feel like hammered shit." I can now report with great certainty there are AT LEAST two levels below "hammered shit" on the illness scale. The last 5 days I've been sick with the flu. I haven't been that sick in years.

I'm not sure how much weight I've lost as a result, but I put on a pair of jeans this morning I haven't been able to button in over a year. This is a weight loss program I DO NOT recommend. . .

I'm pretty much back to semi-normal today. I'm sure the two days of work I missed will come back to haunt me for at least a week. I'm not looking forward to seeing my desk tomorrow morning.

I need to get around and catch up with the rest of the Insanity Brigade. I'll try to leave a pearl of wisdom or two where I can. . . HEY!! It's better than what I've been leaving for the last few days. . . .

BTW: Get a flu shot. I was scheduled to get mine this Wednesday. . . Nice timing, HUH?

Love Y'all

HUGGSS!!

NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-11T19:57:00.000-04:00

Motown weather forecast. . . .

Tonight: cloudy and windy. A chance of showers until late at night, then a chance of rain and snow showers. Windy, colder. Lows 35 to 39. West winds 20 to 30 mph+gusts until after midnight, becoming southwest 10 to 20 mph. Chance of precipitation 40 percent.

Thursday: cloudy with a chance of rain and snow showers. Cooler. Highs 43 to 47. Southwest winds 10 to 20 mph+ gusts. Chance of precipitation 40 percent.

I want summer back!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!

OOOOPPPSSS!!!

2006-10-10T22:14:00.000-04:00

I spotted this today in the neighborhood just down the street. Thought you might get a chuckle from it. I did!!

That's gotta hurt!!!

HUGGSS!!

New York Who?

2006-10-08T09:49:00.000-04:00

This was one party down city last night!!!! This is the first MLB Playoff Series victory for Detroit since they won the World Series in 1984.

Best of all. . . No major problems with idiots tearing up Downtown.

Laterz!!

EDIT: I don't follow baseball or any other sport closely except for NASCAR. But, when you get a winning team shoved in your face 24/7. . .

And the Detroit Lions blow another one while leading 17 to 3 in the 4th quarter. They lost 26 to 17. . . These idiots could screw up a wet dream. . .

GO NASCAR!!!!

$2 Gas?. . . Don't Get Too Used To It. . .

2006-10-03T19:55:00.000-04:00

I don't make a habit of getting up on my political soapbox, because it tends to piss people off. I figure the chances of me changing many, if ANY, minds about anything are somewhere between slim and none. . . And slim left on the 4:30 bus. So I just don't do it.

Having said that, I've been listening to the local and national news "talking heads" going on about OPEC backing down on the price of crude oil (> $59/barrel today) and the lower prices at the pump (It was $2.03 here today when I filled up). . . But as Popeye said many years ago. . . "That's all I can stands. . . I can't stands no more!!!"

Gasoline prices typically drop in September/October as the oil companies deplete stocks of summer blend fuel to make room for winter blend. That usually results in a drop of 10 to 15 cents per gallon for a couple of weeks to spur demand.

BUT. . . This is an election year and the GOP (Gouging Oil Pimps) know they are in DEEP SHIT. Plus, the OPECkers know that a Democratic-controlled Congress would be MAJOR bad news for them. The recent addition of Republican Congressman Mark ("I'd like to slip those shorts off you. ." ) Foley's penchant for young, male Congressional Pages just tossed some of that precious OPEC oil on the flames LOL!!! Timing is everything! At least Clinton got a blow job from an adult woman!! So much for the Christian right. . .

The OPECkers also know they can take a short term drop in profits to TRY and make King Shit-For-Brains look like a hero. . . "Look people. . . I reduced oil prices without using NEUCULAR weapons!!"

The damage control over the next five weeks is going to be interesting. But rest assured, your Thanksgiving trip to Grandma's house won't be on $2 gasoline. Don't think I'm right? Then explain why diesel fuel is still at $3/gallon. . . . Go ahead, I'd love to hear it. . . So would the farming and trucking industries. . .

That bright light you see in the east is the GOP burning in their own $2 gas. . .

This is gonna be fun to watch!!!

Laterz!!!

It Pays To Know Your Customer

2006-10-01T10:28:00.000-04:00

I drive by this billboard for a local truck stop on I-75 every Sunday morning on my way to breakfast. Thought I'd share it with y'all. Click on it to see full screen.

Happy Sunday!!

HUGGSS!!

Ugly Betty

2006-09-28T21:57:00.000-04:00

I just finished watching the Pilot episode of Ugly Betty on ABC.

Five minutes into this apparent train wreck I was ready to find a rerun of Law and Order. Fifteen minutes into this intriguing idea, I was totally fascinated. Thirty minutes into this quirky new com/drama I was thinking. . . YES!!! I'm liking this!!!

Hollywood taking a shot at Hollywood AND the fashion and beauty industies. . . What's NOT to like about this? The casting is excellent!! America Fererra is a doll!!! I love her already!! Vanessa Williams playing the Queen Bitch is just TOO PERFECT!

Betty Suarez, a plain young woman from Queens with a few great ideas and a lot of desire.

If you didn't watch tonight, catch it next Thursday at 8 PM EDT (You can adjust for your own time zone). You can also get a preview here: http://abc.go.com/primetime/uglybetty/index.html
The segment from ABC's "The View" is great.

Give it a try. . . WOW!!! ABC finally put something out I might watch more than once!!

HUGGSS!!

Don't Pay The Ransom!!!

2006-09-25T21:12:00.000-04:00

DAMN!!! I didn't realize it's been over two weeks since my last post. . . Between the increasingly insane work schedule and the Homeowners' Association From Hell, I just lost track. . .

Let's just say things will have to improve a bit to TOTALLY SUCK!!! . . . and leave it at that. . .

I know, I know. . . STOP WHINING LAUREN!!!

. . . Denise was thinking of me when she ran across this little gem today and passed it along (Thanks Sweetie!!):

http://www.wate.com/Global/story.asp?S=4568083

I'm not saying I completely agree with what "Jamie" is claiming, because I can see valid points in the links at the bottom of the artcle too. But, I understand her basic issues. She was supported initially, but an apparent change in management has caused some new issues. This is the sort of CRAP that Trans people get every day. The truth is, most Trans people really would like to just blend in and go about our business like everyone else. I CAN tell you with great certainty, Jamie didn't do this just to get on the 6 PM news.

I can remember a time time when people who went through a divorce became the subject of whispered comments and outright bad treatment by others. I remember when when "coming out of the closet" and telling the world you were Gay meant public ridicule and the very real possibility of physical harm. Somehow, we all (mostly) learned to get past that and just view people as people.

Hope y'all had a great weekend!! My NASCAR Team SUCKED!!

GO MATT!!!

HUGGSS!!

9-11 Never Forget

2006-09-10T18:42:00.000-04:00

If you do nothing else on Monday, September 11, 2006, please take two minutes at 8:46 AM Eastern time to stop, face New York and Washington DC and honor the nearly 3000 souls who died as a result of the most cowardly and hateful act ever committed against the people of the United States of America.

There is no logic, no matter how twisted, to justify what happened on September 11, 2001. These were the acts of people totally devoid of compassion for their fellow man. These were the acts of selfish, cowardly people.

PLEASE. . . On November 7, 2006, go to the polls and make your voice heard. Tell our leaders that we have had enough of the insanity of the Bush administration. It's time to take this country back from Big Government, Big Oil and Big Business in general. It's the common man and woman who hold the real power in this country. . . .

If we all just get off our fat asses and do something about it!!!! It's NOT someone else's job. . .

It's OUR JOB!!!! Just DO IT!!!

The New General Motors Mission Statement

2006-09-02T11:29:00.000-04:00

Pay-Backs Are A Bitch Donna LOL!!!

2006-08-30T21:03:00.000-04:00

Now you have Denise and Me to contend with. . . MUWAHAHAHAHHAHHA!!!

The Meme of Threes

Things that scare me: High bridges over water, Rats (wanna see me totally freak?), Congress

People who make me laugh: Denise. . . She’s a total nut at times, My friend Lynette, Jay Leno

Things I don’t understand: How our Government got so screwed up, Men (OK, I know it’s the same as the first one), Bigots

Things I am doing right now: Fixing dinner, Typing this mess, Avoiding at least 3 other things I need to do

Things I can do: Lead by example, Balance my checkbook to the penny, Make people think

Ways to describe my personality: Shy, Caring, Softhearted

Things I can’t do: Sew, Apply eyeliner, Juggle (I’ve tried to learn all three dozens of times)

Things I think you should listen to: Your heart, it’s never wrong, Whatever music makes you feel good, Anyone promoting tolerance.

Things you should never listen to: Republicans, Religious Zealots, Anyone promoting a "get rich" scheme

Things I’d like to learn: Guitar, How to apply makeup properly when you can’t see without your glasses, A second language

Favorite Foods: Cajun/Creole, Fried chicken, BBQ pork (There’s a healthy mix!!!)

Beverages I drink regularly: Tea, Chardonnay, More water than I care to remember

TV Shows I watched as a kid: Clutch Cargo (worst animation in history LOL!!), Gilligan’s Island, Twilight Zone (There’s a mix for ya!!!)

I'm not tagging anyone. If you want to do this, GO FOR IT!!

HUGGSS!!

But Sirius-ly Folks. . .

2006-08-28T20:36:00.000-04:00

One of the options that came with the car I bought last winter was Sirius satelite radio. I figured for $12.95/mo, it was worth trying out. Gotta tell ya, I love it!!! All music, no 5-minute commercial blocks like the local stations, minimal talk, and the DJs actually know something about the music they play and the bands that play it. WHAT A CONCEPT!!!

I thought I was pretty savy in the world of Alternative Rock until I bought Sirius. . . They play stuff that you'll NEVER, EVER hear on your local WGAG or KBLA stations. . . Case in point, where else could you hear this little ditty from an east coast band called "Jesus H. Christ". . . .

CONNECTICUT’S FOR FUCKING
© 2004 Mickenberg/Shelton

We live in the dullest state
Package stores all close at eight
Malls are full of optometrists
And restaurants we hate
Swimming across Lake Quassapaug
Stealing makeup, catching frogs
Cutting our feet on broken bottles
As we wade in the Shepaug
It’s true for horses, cows and dogs…

Connecticut’s for fucking
That’s all there is to do.
I love to listen to classic rock
and have sex with you.

Doing hole shots at the mall
Writing Ozzy on a wall
Watch the corn get tall
There’s nothing else to do at all.
Goin’ where we always go
Doin’ what we always do
Waitin’ to turn into the people
We are bound to turn into.
What else do other people do?

Connecticut’s for fucking
It’s the Nutmeg state
If we can’t afford to buy antiques
then we just copulate. . . .

It goes on, but you get the point. . . You would be amazed at how "cut up" some songs are on commercial radio to take out the "bad words." Or, as George Carlin said over 30 years ago. . . "The heavy seven. . . The words that will rot your mind. . . Make you blind. . . And lose the war for the Allies. . ."

In other news from Motown. . .

One of the reasons I haven't posted as much lately is due to what I can only attribute to a moment of pure insanity. . .

I am now the President of our community Homeowners Association. . . OK. . . Stop laughing like a bunch of freakin' Hyenas DAMMIT!!! That means you too Denise!!!

Actually, it's not that bad, although there are moments when I want to pound my head on the wall. . . "No Mrs. Jones, you can NOT raise a Shetland Pony in your 2-bedroon condo for your daughter. . ." "Yes Mr. Smith you DO need Homeowner's Insurance and NO the Association will NOT pay to have your carpets cleaned. . ." "I'm so very sorry Ms. Bootylicious, but we really can't help the fact that it rained on the night of your back yard BBQ and your little Rat Dog caught a cold. . ."

Honestly, I'm working with some really great people to bring a sense of community to our neighborhood. . . And it's safer than dating. . .LOL!!

I am also actively looking for a new job. It has become painfully obvious that I will never go any higher than I am now with my current employer. I'm actually suprised at how much opportunity is out there right now. . . I'm in no hurry to move, but after 7 years in the same position. . . Can we at least TRY "doggy style" this week????

And I'll leave you with this final thought. . .

Our current administration places more importance on coming to the aid of the people of Iraq than they do on the victims of Hurricane Katrina. . . How the hell else can you explain the BILLIONS of $$$$ spent in that giant sand trap, the lives lost and the fact that one year later New Orleans is STILL a fucking disaster area???

If you have Congressional elections in your state this year, learn something about the people running for office. . . . Ask the hard questions. . . and above all. . . GET OUT AND VOTE!!!! Ya can't bitch if you don't make an effort to fix what's wrong. . .

King George and his ilk have to go. . . NOW!

Love Y'all. . .

HUGGSS!!

More Proof That Lauren Is Wierd

2006-08-21T18:48:00.000-04:00

Not that you really NEEDED more proof, but I have a question to pose to you all. . .

We all know about getting a song stuck in our head. . . It happens to me all the time. . .

Do any of you get a smell/odor stuck in your nose?? I'm dead serious here. There are times I get a certain smell in my nose and it goes everywhere I go. Even when there is no possibility of that scent being in that location. This seems to be happening to me more frequently in the last couple of months.

Lately, it's been the cat box. . . I know it's not caught in my clothes, since my clean clothes never go near the box. I clean the box every day and use good cat litter, so it can't be that. . . It can also be pleasent smells, but not as often. . .

Is that wierd or what???

BTW: To Clance, Donna and Wendy. . . MATT WON!!! NEENER NEENER NEENER!!!!!!

I really wanted Mark to win, but seeing Matt beat Tony was just too sweet!!

HUGGSS!!

Some People Just Need To Be Slapped

2006-08-20T10:36:00.000-04:00

It's back to school time again and the whining and complaining is at an all-time high. . . I'm not talking about the kids, it's the parents in one local school district throwing a hissy fit over a strict new dress code for all students.

The new code states: No logo t-shirts, sports jerseys, miniskirts, bare midriff tops, pajama pants (who decided these were fashion in the first place?), sweat pants, excessively baggy jeans, ripped jeans, short shorts (Daisey Dukes), or flip flops. Shirts must be tucked in.

Last week's School Board meeting got so out of control, the police were physically walking people off the premises. What the f**k is wrong with you people? Your kids are going to school to get an education. It's not a freakin' fashion show! Several parents interviewed by the local media said that they can't make their kids dress to meet the code. . . WHAT??? It's your kid. . . You are the parent. . . Who the HELL is in charge of your home?? Come on people, grow some balls already.

I see what the kids around here wear to school and it makes me cringe. Sorry young man, but I really don't care to see the top 3 inches of your boxer shorts. Pull up your pants for cryin' out loud. . . . Miss, the crop top with that bad case of muffin top you have goin' there is NOT attractive. And are those jeans or a heavy coat of blue paint?? How do you even zip those up?

Several other local districts have moved to school uniforms. Simple, tasteful and it eliminates any guesswork about what does and doesn't meet the code. I'm all for it. Guess it's a good thing I don't have school-age kids. I'd be the Bitch Mother of the year.

Laterz!!

Woodward Dream Cruisin'

2006-08-18T22:10:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is the 12th annual Woodward Dream Cruise in Metro Motown. Over 1.5 million people will line Woodward Avenue from 8 Mile Road (YEP! The same 8 Mile from the Eminem movie) to downtown Pontiac. 16 Miles of Classic Cars, Muscle Cars, Street Rods, Customs and Wannabe Junkers. . . Over 40,000 cars in all will cruise Woodward Ave. in addition to people passing through just to see the excitement. . . YAWN!!

Don't get me wrong, but a classic car cruise in Motown is about as rare as a Mexican restaurant in El Paso. . . On any given night during the summer, I can go to at least 20 locations that have some sort of cruise event.

But, Woodward is special, dare I say SACRED. . . In the 50s and 60s, cruising on Woodward Ave. on Friday and Saturday night was a right of passage. If you had a cool car, you had to cruise on Woodward . . . It may have been a law at the time LOL!! Street racing was cool!! Regardless, Woodward was the place to be. . .

I love old cars, particularly from the 50s and 60s. . . But, you won't find my ass within 15 miles of that cluster fuck this weekend. . . 1.5 million people?? I don't think so. . .

If you ever come to Motown in August, come for the Dream Cruise. . . Just once. . . It's a pretty cool sight. . . ONCE!

HUGGSS!!

That's Just Swell Mel. . . WHAT THE F**K???

2006-08-17T17:55:00.000-04:00

In case you haven't heard yet, the California Judicial system has proven, yet again, it pays BIG TIME to be famous. . .

Mel Gibson enters a "No Contest" plea (Yep, I was drunk on my ass, but I'm not saying so in court!) to his DUI charges. In return, he gets 3 years probation. . . No fine, no jail time, no loss of driver's license, no community service. . . Just; "Don't do it again. . NOD NOD, WINK WINK. . . "

If it had been you or I, we'd be asshole deep in all or some of those options. . . Here in MI, a first offense is 1 year suspended, MINIMUM, up to $2,500 in fines (plus legal fees and court costs), 2 to 5 years probation and possibly a 6 month jail sentence. . .

So Mel. . . How big WAS that donation to the Judge's re-election fund????

With credit to JackieSue. . . . Fuck me `til I piss Jello Shots. . .

Just Checking In

2006-08-14T19:44:00.000-04:00

Hi all. . . Just haven't had anything to write about lately. Thought I'd check in and say HI! Hope y'all are havin' a great summer. . . Enjoy it while it lasts. . .

HUGGSS!!

Just Had To Share This

2006-08-08T20:34:00.000-04:00

I was just outside enjoying a smoke and a little Chard, watching the woman across the street power washing her balcony. Her husband/boyfriend/manservant or whateverthehellheis was watching. . . There's a man joke in there somewhere, but not for this post. . . .

She suddenly stops, reaches down the front of her t-shirt and retrieves the cell phone from between her boobs!!! At this point, I'm trying not to break out in hysterical laughter, while waiting to see what she does with it when she's done with the call. Sure enough, she parks it back in the big valley. . . And people say I'm strange. . .

I know I am, so just SHUT UP!!! LOL!

Wonder if she had it set on vibrate???

In other news. . . A Dallas woman was attacked by an underwire bra in a supermarket parking lot today, just as she entered her vehicle. . . She escaped without injury and has turned the offending undergarment over to the local waste authorities. . . Victoria Secret refused to comment and has refered all inquiries to her Attorney. . . Could this be a cover up????

And finally, it appears that the evil Butt Monkey has returned and has his sights set on parts of Texas. . . He is rumored to be in the company of his equally evil assistant Stepford, who has been known to stalk her victims for weeks before striking. . . Be afraid, be VERY afraid. . .

OH GAWD!!!! I need to get a life, get laid or something. . . .

OK. . . I'm done now. . .

HUGGSS!!

Momma's Family

2006-08-02T21:59:00.000-04:00

Does anyone else remember this show from a few years ago?

It was Vicky Lawrence (The Carol Burnett Show) as Momma, with Carol Burnett, Ken Berry, Tim Conway, Harvey Korman and a host of other misfits in what can only be described as the most disfunctional group of people since "All in the Family."

I think I had dinner with them last night. . .

I ran into an aquaintance at the grocery store last Saturday (That'll teach me to go shopping after 6 AM!!!) who insisted I join her and her friends for dinner last night at a local restaurant. So I went. . . thinking "What harm could it do???" REALLY BAD DECISION!!!!

This was the most disgusting group of social rejects I have ever encountered. It was bad enough that most were incapable of an intelligent conversation, but this little toad of a woman seated next to me decided to help herself to the remains on my plate when I was finished!!! EEEEWWWW!!!! She did this to the person on the other side of her too!!!

This same person had no problem quizzing me on very personal topics, including why I was wearing earings. . . Well DUH!!!! To fill the holes in my ear lobes!!!! WTF!!!!! I finally left after about 45 mintes. . . Seemed like a week. . .

Please. . . Would someone drive to Motown and beat me senseless with a 2x4 so I NEVER do anything THAT stupid again?????

This may be a job for JackieSue. . . I know she'll understand. . .

I'll send gas money JS. . . Bring your own Dublin Dr. Pepper. . .

I need a HUGGSS!!

I'm Feeling Human Again

2006-07-31T19:18:00.000-04:00

As I said in my last post, I've been ill for the past week. Actually, it's closer to two weeks. I tried to tone this down a little, since the details are pretty gross. . .

Last Tuesday morning I wound up in the hospital to remove a huge abscess from my nether-regions, after two visits to my regular doctor resulted in nothing more than advice to; "soak in a hot tub of water, it will clear up on it's own."

My temp was up to 103* and less than one minute in to the exam, the specialist (Dr. T)asked the nurse to page another doctor. SHE wanted a second opinion. 30 minutes later I was in the operating room for a 60 minute procedure to remove a "golf ball" sized mass. They kept me until Wednesday morning and sent me home with enough medical supplies to start a small clinic. And some REALLY good pain killers!!

This morning I went back to have the drainage tube and sutures removed. Everything looks OK now. Dr. T was very candid with me and I'll be speaking with an attorney regarding my Primary care provider later this week. I cannot understand how a trained physician could miss something that obvious. Neither could Dr. T.

Sorry if I ruined your dinner. . .

HUGGSS!!

I'm OK

2006-07-30T20:33:00.000-04:00

Donna, Linda. . .

I saw your comments. I'm here, I've just been ill for the past week. Long story and I'm too tired to explain now. I've checked in a few times and will post something in a day or so.

HUGGSS!!

Attention. . . Attention Please. . .

2006-07-21T22:16:00.000-04:00

. . . May I have your attention please? . . . People!! . . . Quiet down please . . . You in the back . . . That means you too . . . I have the floor for a moment. Please allow me this one opportunity to address all of you . . .

Yes, I mean all 6.5 Billion of you . . . Every man, woman and child on this planet . . . I ask just a few moments of your time to extend an invitation . . . I think it’s high time someone step up to the plate to do what nobody seems to have thought to do so far . . .

Each and every one of you are invited to my home, any time, just show up. I know my humble little 1400 square feet will only accommodate a few at a time, but it’s mine to offer. It’s the one place on the face of this earth where I can assure you, you’ll be welcome, you’ll be safe and you’ll be accepted, regardless of who you are, what you are, or what you believe in. . . . Above all, you’ll be loved . . .

There are just a few simple rules . . .

Upon entry to my home, you will show respect to anyone and everyone present. You will not judge or comment based on their religion, race, creed, color, gender or any other factor. You will treat them as equals at all times. You will listen when they speak, just as they will listen to you.

We want to hear about your plans for a better life. A way to make things better for all. So many of us have so much, while many more have nothing. I would love to hear your thoughts on how we fix that.

Nobody should go to bed at night hungry. Nobody should have to suffer because they don’t have access to medical care. Nobody should be left illiterate because they have no access to an education.

More importantly, nobody should ever take any of those things for granted. Just look around at those who don’t have even the most basic necessities. What is wrong with what you see?

If you come to my home with an honest concern for others, there will always be a seat for you . . . . Just remember, you may have to share that seat . . .

After all . . . it’s only 1400 square feet . . .

But it’s here, any time you want to drop by . . .

Thanks for listening . . .

HUGGSS!!

Lauren

Dallas Comes To Motown

2006-07-16T07:55:00.000-04:00

. . . Or at least their weather has. 96* on Saturday and we'll very likely top 100* today. I damn near fried my thighs on the leather seats in my car yesterday after a shopping trip to Old Navy for some new tanks and shorts. YEEEEOWCH!! Worse yet, looks like it's gonna to stay this way for the next week. . . I 'm SOOOOOO gonna hate seeing my next utility bill. It's already 85* at 7:30 AM and my AC was running at 7:00. . .

More later. . . I'm going to breakfast. . .

UPDATE: 10:20 PM

Well, it only hit 98* since we had some cloud cover this afternoon. . . Still hot as hell outside though. . . I tried to sit outside for bit and it's just too muggy. . .

It looks like Roscoe T. and his spouse (AKA: "The Screamer") have gone away for a few days. . . Please Goddess. . . Let it be so. . . No slamming doors. . . No stomping on the stairs. . . No loud Gospel music. . . No HO-MO-SE. . . Never mind, you already know this one. . .

I'm so tempted to call in well tomorrow. . . I need a mental health day. . .

More about Roscoe T. and The Screamer tomorrow. . . They've pissed me off yet again. . . FUCKTARDS!!!

HUGGSS!!

What A Day!!

2006-07-14T23:10:00.000-04:00

Thank you to Denise: http://moodswingcreations.com/blog/ for naming me the Fabulous Friday Female. I've been on cloud nine all day. And even better that Babs http://howtogoinsane.blogspot.com/ saw fit to bestow the same kudos on you. . . You deserve it many times over Denise. . . I'll share the stage with you any day. . .

HUGGSS!!

What Kind Of Wine. . . .

2006-07-11T20:49:00.000-04:00

Goes with a black, size 10W Stiletto heel??? I ask, because it seems I've managed to place my less-than-dainty foot in my mouth. . . If I have to eat that gigantic shoe, I'll need a chaser. . . A big one!

I had a new comment today on my "Potpourri" entry from this past Sunday. Enter "Hilda" http://closetwitch.blogspot.com/ who took me to task about my reference to placing a pentagram on my front door in an attempt to vex the reverend "Roscoe T." You can read her entire comment there, but the upshod is that I knew I was wrong when I added the next line. . . The pentagram has nothing to do with Satanic worship. It is used by Pagans, most notably those who practice Wicca. Pagans DO NOT worship Satan. In fact, they don't recognize Satan at all. I knew that and yet I left the comment there any way. Shame on me!!!

Hilda just started her blog today (guess why!) and has promised to add more when she can. I plan to stop in often to see what she has to say. I hope y'all will take the time to stop by and offer her a warm Blogville Asylum welcome. . .

To you Hilda, welcome to the Blogville Asylum. Those people in my blogroll on the left are a great bunch. I plan to lay a big ol' Lauren HUGG on everyone of them some day. . .

OK. . . Back to the task at hand. . . Where on earth did I put the Grey Poupon????

Bon Appetit!!!

HUGGSS!!

I've Been Tagged!!!

2006-07-09T17:38:00.000-04:00

I was tagged by Denise. Thank you Sweetie!!

Five Things In My Closet
Two complete wardrobes (double lives are expensive!!!)
Shoes (also two sets)
Makeup kit
Wigs
Me (Sorry, had to include that LOL!!)

Five Things In My Fridge
Diet soda
Yankee Iced Tea (without sugar for you Southerners)
A Big Ol' Ribeye Steak For Dinner
Deli Meats
Salad Fixins

Five Things In My Car
Emergency Kit
CDs
Jumper Cables
Sirius Radio Receiver
Sunglasses

Five Things In My Purse/Wallet
Drivers Licence
Transgender Photo ID (yes, there is such a thing)
Credit/Debit Cards
Emergency Medical Card
Car Registration

I tag:
Chattymoon
Babs
Lisa
Apos
Anyone else who would like to participate

BTW: The post below this one is new too. . .

HUGGSS!!

Potpourri

2006-07-09T16:22:00.000-04:00

I really didn't have anything specific to talk about today, thus the title. . . Just seems appropriate. I suppose my mood has something to do with that.

It's been ages since I've gone out to be with friends on the weekend. Not that I don't get invitations mind you. . . I just don't follow through. And yes, I know at some point, people will stop inviting me completely. Nobody to blame but me. I just can't get myself out the door. . . Last night was the latest example. I was invited to go to Toledo for a party and I declined. I know sooner or later I have to get back out in the world.

I cleaned house yesterday, something that was WAY overdue. . . Just had to clean my private bathroom today and put away the laundry. I've been a couch potato otherwise. . Lisa (Coming and Going) http://duchatnoir.blogspot.com/ even chimed in on my IM to ask what was taking so long to clean when she saw my "Busy" message LOL. . . We had a nice chat and caught up on a few things. Stop by and leave her note. She's a very sweet person. . . I love her kitties too. . .

I had to stop and talk with my boss on Friday about a couple of things. While I was in his office he told me I've been approved for a raise, effective July 1. . . WHOO HOO!!! Not a big increase, but it's more money just the same. By the sound of things, not many were approved for merit increases this year.

For those of you who watch The FOOD CHANNEL, it appears that Racheal Ray will have her own syndicated talk/variety show starting this fall. Our local NBC affiliate has been running commercials about it for a few weeks now. Personally, I think she'll do well. She has that great bubbly personality and she's not afraid to be a little outrageous. She just IS what she IS. . . I think there's a lesson in there for me. . .

In other news, my neighbor (The Reverend Roscoe T. Homophobe, hereby known as Roscoe T.) hasn't done a repeat performance of his recorded "HO-MO-SEX-U-ALS" rant since the first time. I'm still going to put a Pentagram on my front door, just to mess with him. . . Yes Roscoe. . . I'm Trans AND Satanic!!! LOL!!. . . He just begs to be messed with. . .

Guess I should get dinner going. . . My tummy is starting to rumble. . .

HUGGSS!!

Idiotic Quote of the Day!!!

2006-07-05T20:20:00.000-04:00

I am ready to explode right now. I really want to break something. . .

This is the latest "pearl of wisdom" from King George on the illegal imigrant issue:

"We cannot kick people out who have been here for a while," Bush said. "And so I look forward to working with Congress on a rational plan as to how to make sure people who have been here, the 11 million or so people who have been here for a while, are treated with respect and dignity."

Now, keep in mind that he is the same King George who is making it next to impossible for our friends Chattymoon, Apos and Dork to come here legally. . . Those who use the proper channels are made to jump through endless hoops, at great expense, only to be told they didn't cross all the "Ts" and dot all the "Is." Damn. . . Just take a boat across the Detroit River at midnight, lay low for a year and you're in. . .

I heard the above comment, only after getting a personalized letter today from US Senator Carl Levin (Dem, MI) in response to my string of e-mails to him encouraging legislation to recognize same-sex mariage. I quote Mr. Levin:

"It is inadvisable to to amend the Constitution of the United States of America in this manner, since it would deny individual states the right to adopt their own laws on this matter. I have already voted in favor of language defining marriage as a union between one man and one woman."

Thanks for nothin' Carl!!! So much for all that double-speak rhetoric last month about Gay Rights at the Motor City Pride festival. . . Two-Faced Asshole!!! See if I vote for your sorry ass again!!!

Our country is being run by FUCKTARDS!!!!!

Yes, I'm in a really foul mood tonight. . .

Happy 4th of July!!!

2006-07-04T20:26:00.000-04:00

Hope y'all had a fun day. It was nice and quiet here, just the way I like it. Rain this morning, but nice from noon on. . .

I had planned to write something today, but my tendonitis is acting up and my wrist hurts like hell. . . I've managed to peck out a few comments and that's about it. Takes forever with only one good hand. . . Time to put the ice pack back on. . .

HUGGSS!!

Easy Like Sunday Morning

2006-07-02T08:06:00.000-04:00

Having my first cup of morning tea on the patio just gets my day off to a great start. . . I love doing that. It's peaceful, the birds are singing and and the morning sun feels so good on my skin. I try to do that every day in the warm months. At 6:30 AM there's nobody around, the air smells fresh and it makes me feels wonderful!

Actually, I ended my evening out there too, with a nice glass of chilled Chardonnay and one last smoke for the night. The couple 3 doors down had a BBQ party and were just saying good night to the last of their guests. It sounded like a great party, with lot's of laughter, music and such. They have one of those barrel grills and cook on hardwood from the smell. That makes for some great "Q". . . I grilled up a nice Ribeye and some chicken last night myself. I LOVE leftover grilled chicken. . YUMMY!

"In the summer time. . . When the livin' is easy. . ." Anyone else remember that song?

Enjoy!!!

Look Mom. . . No Wires!!!!!

2006-06-30T20:53:00.000-04:00

At last!!! I'm finally wireless!!!! My new ISP was activated today and I can tell ComCrap where to shove their cable modem LOL!!

The access speeds are blazing fast compared to ComCrap, since I don't have to share bandwidth with the entire neighborhood and I get a connection every time. Plus, it's 30% cheaper than ComCrap. . . BONUS!!!

The switch was not without a headache or two, since the first wireless card was bad right out of the box. . . Beware of products from Hawking Technologies. . . It wasn't worth saving $10. . .

I'm also on call at work this weekend in case anything takes a shit. . . Lovely!!! So much for my 4-day weekend. . . Guess I'll get a few things done on Monday, since I'll be alone in the office. . .

Would someone please take the "Kick Me" sign off my back???? LOL!!!

Hope y'all have a great weekend!!!

Working Sunday and Name Games

2006-06-25T19:46:00.000-04:00

Well, the two hours I was supposed to work today turned into 4 1/2. Most of it standing out in the sun on concrete. . . I'm sunburned and my feet are killing me. My reward? A really bad Mexican buffet. Payment? HAH!! I'm salaried. . . "Thank you for helping out and don't be late tomorrow morning. . . . GRRRRR!!!. . . I managed to see the last 8 laps of the NASCAR race at Sonoma. . . I hated seeing that little shithead in the 24 car win. . . BOO!!!! HISS!!!! I was hoping Texas Terry could get the pass done, but no. . .

Mr. B Y Gun said something in his comment to my last entry that gave me a great idea for a blog game. . .

One of our local radio DJs has a standard question he asks any time he does an interview with a celebrity. It's really simple and the results can be hilarious (or not). He maintains that everyone has a porn star name. Here's how it works:

Take the name of your first childhood pet and the name of the street you grew up on as a child. That is your porn star name. . . . . I'll go first. . .

My porn star name is: Tippy Lahring

Some of you who had multiple pets and moved one or more times can enter as many as you want.

I'm looking forward to your entries!!!

Time to get ready for our City's Freedom Festival Fireworks show. I can watch it from my patio since it's just 3 blocks away. . . The big Motown Fireworks is this Wednesday night. One of the biggest shows in the country. Since over 1 million people go downtown for that event, I watch it on TV. . . No way you'll get me in a crowd that big. . .

HUGGSS!!

UPDATE: The fireworks display was outstanding for a small community like ours (pop. 11,000 ) although there was a 5 minute gap in the middle, apparently due to technical problems. Awesome finish!!! The shells were literally going off over our heads. . .

Hope y'all have a great night!!!

Too Perfect!!!

2006-06-24T00:19:00.000-04:00

I had to share this, because it just put the icing on the cupcake for my week. . .

It's a beautiful night here in Motown, a nice breeze blowing and temps easing back into the upper 60s. I decided to end my evening with a glass of Chardonnay and one last smoke for the night, sitting on the patio.

I no sooner settle into my chair, light my smoke and have a nice sip of Vino, when the freakin' sprinkler system comes to life and blocks my path back to the door LOL!!! It's only about 30 feet, but with 3 sprinklers going there's no way I'm getting back inside dry. . . I was soaked by the time I made it to the door. . .

Does this mean I can skip my weekly bath??? Didn't think so. . .

*WET* HUGGSS!!

Jobbie Nooner

2006-06-23T06:13:00.000-04:00

Today marks the beginning of one of the biggest illegal lake parties of the year on Michigan's Lake St. Clair. The Jobbie Nooner http://nickscape.net/jobbienooner/ will attract 10s of thousands of partiers on and around Gull Island. You can literally walk from boat to boat and never get your feet, or your thong bikini (get that thought OUT of your head Apos!!!) wet.

This thing started about 10 years ago as a group of friends getting together to skip a day of work/school/whatever and spend the day on the water. The County Sheriff and Coast Guard estimate that they'll make several dozen arrests for Drunk Driving and disorderly conduct. Boaters were already beginning to gather at the island before dawn today. . .

And before you ask. . . I have NO idea where the name came from. . . I can only say that these people would give our old Friday night at Sooner's Bar & Grille a run for the money. It sure makes the local news stations happy. The've been talking about it all week. . .

Party on!!!!

Congrats also to Babs http://howtogoinsane.blogspot.com/ . She is Denise's Friday Fabulous Female of the week http://moodswingcreations.com/blog/. I can't think of a more deserving lady!!!!

DAMN!!! Time to get ready for work. . . . Or maybe go join the drunken fun at the Jobbie Nooner. . . NAH!!

HUGGSS!!

COMCRAP. . . . .

2006-06-22T21:15:00.000-04:00

. . . Is being given the BOOT from the House of Lauren. . .

I got a call today from a ComCrap Rep (who barely spoke English) telling me that I have been billed the wrong rate for the last 2 years. My rate will go up by 50% starting next month. . .

EXCUSE ME????????. . . Sixty FUCKING bucks a month for basic high-speed (their description, not mine!!!) internet??? I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO!!!!!! $60/month for shitty service, NO tech support and speeds that dial-up users would laugh at??? NFW Bitch!!!!!! (translation upon request). Have a nice day!!!

By this time next week, I'll be on enhanced wireless DSL for $18/month, fixed cost for one year. That rate hasn't changed since 2003 from AT&T/YAHOO!

The cable TV/Internet regs here in MI are so fucked up, that ComCrap and other cable providers have a market monopoly in their service area. I couldn't sign with WOW, Barden or Brighthouse if I wanted to. . . The infrastructure belongs to ComCrap. . . But, they don't control the phone lines. . .

RANT # 2

The Silver Bullet is home, but not fixed. Only slight improvement in the steering after 3 days in the shop. It's going back next week after I told the Service Manager what I thought of his Technican. The car was never road tested, since I reset the trip odometer when I dropped it off and it recorded only 3/10 of a mile total for three days. The SM drove the car with me and agreed it wasn't fixed. MORONS!!!

Yes, I'm in a VERY pissy mood tonight. . .

With my luck today, my Ex will call any minute now. . .LOL!!!

HUGGSS!!

On The Disabled List

2006-06-20T20:51:00.000-04:00

No, not me silly. . . But the Laurenmobile AKA: "Silver Bullet" is resting peacefully in her semi-private room at the Dealership tonight. This, after she mysteriously developed a noticable lack of connection between the steering wheel and the tires. . . Of course my razor-sharp engineering mind immediately reached the conclusion that something was seriously wrong. . . I'm management material I tell ya!!!

So. . . . I'm in a rental (at the Dealer's expense YAY!!!) tonight. This would normally mean some "rode-hard-&-put-up-wet" econobox, but no. . . My lease calls for a replacement vehicle of "equal or greater value." Sooooo. . . I'm driving a 5000 lb. luxo-barge sedan that can only be described as a; "Leather couch on wheels with windows." The back seat is not only big enough to get laid, but you could serve a catered breakfast for four the next morning!! I'm dead serious here. . . The demographic target for this car is Bob Hope and George Burns. Yes, they are both dead. . . That was my point!!!

This car is so devoid of feeling and personality, I thought I was driving my Ex for a moment. . . This car is for people who don't want to know they are driving, which explains why you see them doing 30 mph in the fast lane on I75 at rush hour. . . People who buy this car are essentially dead. . . The audio system can only be appreaciated by someone with hearing aids in both ears. . . with dead batteries. . . And the AC system has two settings. . . "Walk-In Freezer" and "Blast Furnace". . .

You've been a great audience. . . . Try the Veal Cutlet. . . And please tip your waitress. . . She prefers horizontal. . . I'll be here all week!!!! Goodnight Everbody!!!

Damn!!! I needed that. . . The last few weeks have been non-stop work, but there's a 4-day weekend coming up for Independence Day. . . YEE FREAKIN' HAWWWWWW!!! That is, after I work this coming Sunday. . . something I just found out today. It would have to fall on the weekend NASCAR runs on a road course!!! My second favorite race of the year DAMN!!

The rental car just seemed like the icing on the cake. Don't get me wrong, it's a very nice car, it's just SO. . . NOT. . . LAUREN!!!!

Hope Y'all had a great day!!!

HUGGSS!!

Reminder - A Girl Like Me

2006-06-19T17:43:00.000-04:00

Since several people asked to be reminded:

Lifetime Network will air; "A Girl Like Me" tonight at 9:00 PM EDT.

I hope you can take a little time out to watch it. The "rough cut" I saw earlier this year was very moving. I saw a lot of me in young Gwen. . .

Love y'all!!

HUGGSS!!

Sun Dance

2006-06-18T08:52:00.000-04:00

OK boys and girls, it is time to act!! As your unofficial Hostess for today's race at MIS, I beg you to join me in a ritual Sun Dance. The weather nerds are predicting rain and/or thunderstorms moving into the Brooklyn, MI area by about 3 PM. . .

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE Send the rain to Dallas where they actually NEED IT!!!! Let it rain on West "BY GAWD" TX. . . Let it rain at LeMans where they actually have rain tires!!!! Let it rain ANYWHERE BUT BROOKLYN!!!!!!

Don't make me do a naked sun dance in my front yard!!! I'm out of bail money!!!!

Stupid weather nerds!!!!!

Coifed Kitty

2006-06-17T16:29:00.000-04:00

As I write this, CC is spending the afternoon at the local Kitty Salon. I decided to enlist the assistance of a Pro in dealing with his shedding. I swear that cat should be bald, based on the amount of hair I brush out of the couch and his favorite chair every week. Hopefully this will put an end to the worst of it. He's getting the full package (minus the nail trim, since he's declawed on all four paws) and will come home bathed and trimmed up. I'm sure I'll have a little snooty boy to live with for a few days.

I sat the pet taxi down on the floor and he walked right in, like it was no big deal. Everything was fine until I started the car. . . . There were noises coming out of him that would have a casual passerby thinking I was skinning him alive LOL!! A couple in the car next to me at a light could hear him carrying on. . . Poor baby!! He hardly made a sound during the 30 minute drive when I brought him home originally. . .

It's freakin' HOT here today!!! 93* the last time I checked and it could get to 97 or 98. Very unusual for Michigan in June. We normally don't see 90s until mid-July. This is the second day over 90 this month. . . So much for having dinner on the patio tonight. . . Maybe I'll wait and go out to sit after 11 PM. . . I love having a glass of wine on the patio late at night. It's so quiet and the breeze helps to make me sleepy. . . I sat out there last night until 12:30.

I hope y'all are having a great weekend. . . I need to get back to my housework. . . .

HUGGSS!!

But Wait. . . There's More. . . .

Congrats to Johnny Benson on his first win in the Craftsman Truck Series!!! Great job by my boy Mark Martin too, finishing second. . . It's nice to see two old guys whip the rookies butts!

UPDATE: OK, I've created a monster!!! CC thinks he's the hot stuff now, all primped and brushed. The Groomer said he was a perfect little gentleman (until the bath part LOL!!) and purred most of the time she was working on him. He's been strutting around here since we got home. I have to admit, he looks pretty good. He definately smells better LOL!!! He'll be going back in September for his next appointment. . . Is he spoiled or what???

A Girl Like Me

2006-06-14T22:40:00.000-04:00

A very special friend of mine sent me the link below. I was among a select audience from our local TG community who saw a shortened "rough cut" version of this movie a few months ago. I can honestly say, this was the most accurate portayal of a Transgendered person's life I've ever seen.

"A Girl Like Me" will air this coming Monday, June 19, at 9 PM on the Lifetime Network.

http://www.lifetimetv.com/movies/originals/agirllikeme.php

I know this is a very difficult topic for many, but I hope you'll take the time to watch. I'm anxious to see what the final version looks like myself.

Peace and Love to All. . .

HUGGSS!!

I AM NOT. . .

2006-06-13T21:56:00.000-04:00

A happy girl right now. . .

Earlier tonight I forked over nearly $200 to replace my cell phone. This was NOT my choice. The phone had become so unreliable that it wouldn't hold a charge for more than a few hours. I just replaced the battery a month ago for $30.

I plead my case to the people at the phone store, but; "You aren't eligible for a new phone until January 16, 2007." Since this is the only phone I have, I didn't have much choice. And since I work in a high security job, I can't have a camera phone, narrowing my choices even further.

At least I was able to charge the tab to my cellular account, so I do have some leverage when I call the corporate office tomorrow. Hopefully, they will do something for me and at least reduce the bill. I've been with this provider for almost 10 years, that should count for something. Not to mention the dozens of new customers I've sent them over those years. . .

I won't name the provider (YET), but I will warn you to NEVER buy a Kyocera phone. This was the third bad one in two years. They eat batteries and buttons mysteriously stop working. They also lock up to the point you have to remove the battery to reboot. . .

And I was going to write something pleasent tonight. . .

End of rant!

Exclusive Interview!!!!

2006-06-11T09:39:00.000-04:00

This appeared in today's Detroit Free Press. I thought I'd share with y'all. Enjoy!

MITCH ALBOM: Baby talk? Listen, I've got the scoop

Before I share my "exclusive" interview with Brad and Angelina's baby, let's talk price. I want $4 million. Same as they reportedly got for the photos. Anybody can point and shoot a camera. It takes a special person to speak Goo Goo.

So we're agreed? And cash, no checks.

Meanwhile, here's a little sample from my Blockbuster Scoop of the Year:

"So, little Shiloh, let me be the first to verbally welcome you to the world. How does it feel to be the most famous infant since Jesus?"

"Are you my dad?"

"Uh, no. He's the guy over there by the mirror, making sure his T-shirt is tight enough."

"Are you my mom?"

"Uh, no. She's the one in the low-cut tank top, making sure nobody photographs her below the chest."

"Who are all those other people?"

"Just people who love you."

"Aunts? Uncles? Grandparents?"

"Agents, managers, security guards."

"Where am I?"

"Namibia."

"Wow. I'm African."

"Uh, not exactly. Your mother's from L.A. and your father's from Oklahoma."

"So why am I in Namibia?"

"Your parents felt it was safer."

"Am I in trouble? I just got here!"

So what's in a name?

"Let's shift gears. Can you tell us, Shiloh, do you plan to be an actress?"

"Will they give me milk?"

"I suppose."

"Then I'll be whatever you want."

"Who do you think you look like, your mom or your dad?"

"Um, which is which, again?"

"Those two. Standing behind the microphones. The one with the short hair is your father."

"What's his name?"

"Brad Pitt."

"Cool. So I'm Shiloh Pitt?"

"Well, no, you're Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt."

"You're joking."

"No. Your mother's last name is Jolie -- even though her father's last name is Voight -- and so your last name is a hyphenate."

"Why didn't they pick one name when they got married?"

"Um ... they're not married."

"Oh, GREAT! Like going to school wasn't gonna be hard enough!"

The fine art of acting

"Now, tell us, Shiloh--"

"What does Shiloh mean?"

"It's Hebrew."

"I'm Jewish AND African?"

"No. Your parents liked the name. It means peaceful one. Or messiah."

"Great. No pressure there."

"How do you like the fuss over you?"

"Yeah. All these people are taking my picture. Why is that?"

"Because mom and dad are actors."

"What do actors do?"

"Fake emotions to move people."

"Big deal. I got that down already. Watch. WAAAHHHHHHH! See. They give me milk just like that."

"Impressive."

"Besides, I pretty much look like every other baby. What's the big deal about me? I haven't even chewed anything yet."

"You're famous."

"What's famous?"

"It's what we all want to be!"

"Hmm. If you say so. Right now, I want to be something else."

"What's that?"

"Dry. Do you smell something? Ohmigod. Is that me? Yyucck ..."

"And that wraps up our exclusive interview with Shiloh, the most important baby on the planet. Thank you, baby, for your time."

"Can I ask you something?"

"What's that?

"Can I go back?"

"I'm afraid not."

"In that case ... WAHHHHH!"

She's Back and I'm In Heaven!!!

2006-06-06T23:02:00.000-04:00

Allia and I have reconnected after far too many months apart. It's a long story and I'm too tired to write it tonight, but I am so very happy right now.

Now, if I could just stop crying. . .

The House of Lauren and Other Schtuff. . .

2006-06-04T15:48:00.000-04:00

So it's the last day of my vacation and I dread going back to work tomorrow. . . Oh well, until I hit the lotto. . . yeah right!!!

The bedroom is mostly done. I still need a few accessories and little stuff, but I'm already WAY over budget. The rest will have to wait for a few weeks. I did find a comforter set at Home Goods I really like and it's only $120.00. That will be the next purchase.

I somehow managed to screw up my left foot, so my trip to the Motor City Pride festival didn't happen today. Just as well, since I'm broke. My Dr. says I strained the Achilles Tendon, so walking is pretty painful. I have NO idea what I did. . . I went to the store long enough yesterday to get a few things I was out of and that's it.

So here's the room as it stands now. My shitty digital camera doesn't take great pics, but you'll get the general idea.

The walls are actually an off white or sandstone colour, the comforter is celery. The lamps I moved in from the living room, since the ones I bought for the bedroom actually work better out there. . . .

I'm still not completly happy with the placement of the chest, but I want to leave space in the corner for a chair.

The dresser is a perfect fit here. How's that for luck? The hallway on the right leads back to my (very BADLY designed) walk-in closet behind the closed door and a private bathroom directly behind the Dresser. The family bathroom is directly across the hall from the bedroom.

My living room. The antique school desk in the background is actually a reproduction I bought in the mid-70s. The solid oak dining table in the foreground was originally purchased in 1882 by my Great Grandfather. I found it in my Grandmother's basement in 1975 after she passed away. It was in horrible condition, with the finish partially stripped. Many months of work later. . . The chairs I bought at K-Mart about 10 years ago. The originals had been lost.

The dining room from a different angle. The baker's rack is also a reproduction I found in a little craft mall a few years ago.

The kitchen. . . My favorite room in the house. The countertop microwave will be going bye bye soon when I get a built-in to go above the stove. I don't care for electric stoves, but the cabinets were already in when I bought the place and it would have cost over $1500.00 to run a gas line to the opening. On the other side of the fridge is a small utility room that houses the furnace and water heater. I have the back wall shelved to use a pantry.

And where was my Master while all this work was going on?? You guessed it. . . . .

I have never seen a cat that liked to sleep on their back. CC sleeps like this all the time.

Hope you enjoyed the tour. . .

Time to start dinner. . . .

HUGGSS!!

But wait. . . .

That comotion you hear is Babs going nuts in Dallas. . . Matt Kenseth just won the Dover race!!!!! WAY TO GO MATT!!!!!!!!!! Great job by Jimmy Johnson too, coming back from 2 laps down to finish 5th. . .

Can I Get An AMEN????

2006-05-30T19:07:00.000-04:00

First things first. . . Diana is doing fine and should fly home on Sunday, maybe sooner. . . I was so happy to see the e-mail this afternoon from her traveling escort. I sent her an E-Greeting that I'm sure she'll see in a day or so (she asked that we NOT send flowers). Thanks to all of you who left such wonderful, supportive comments. . .

OK. . . Back to the title of this post. . .

In my last post, I made a remark about an experience with my neighbor. We have maintained a cordial (spelled. . . s-t-r-a-i-n-e-d) relationship over the last two years, for a variety of reasons. Mostly because he's a moron. . .

I was sitting on my patio Monday morning enjoying my first cup of tea and cigarette, despite the mid-70s heat and 90% humidity. . . This is my routine, once the weather gets warm. In the background I can hear my neighbor's stereo through the open bedroom window. Some Evangelical(sp?) preacher is going on about something. . . I just wasn't paying attention, since I really don't care.

The audio went silent for some period of time and then I heard (sound suddenly turned WAY up):

HO-MO-SEX-U-AL-ITY IS AN AB-OM-IN-A-TION IN THE EYES OF THE LORD. . . . HO-MO-SEX-U-ALS WILL BE CAST OUT OF HEAVEN FOR THEIR DEFIANCE OF GOD!!!!! CAN I GET AN AMEN?????

This evangelical rant went on for several minutes, while I am trying very hard to:

1. Not burst out in hysterical laughter at the idea my neighbor saw fit to assult me with this garbage at 7:30 AM (he obviously knew I was sitting outside). . .

2. Resist the temptation to scream something back of an equally preposterous nature. . .

3. Keep myself from going to the garage to find a crowbar to beat his fucking yuppymobile into a pile of scrap iron. . .

But. . . I was a good little Tranny and just let it go. . . This time. . .

So there you have it. . . Who knew that little ol' me could have such a negative affect on society??? I have single-handedly brought the free world to the brink utter destruction. . . It's an OMEN. . . I'm the Bad Seed. . . Be afraid!!!!

Or just laugh your ass off like I'm doing right now. . . .

HUGGSS!!

Memorial Day, Diana T. and A Word About Me

2006-05-29T19:29:00.000-04:00

Memorial Day

I'm not usually very enthusiastic about Holidays, for a variety of reasons. Memorial Day is one of the exceptions. This is a day to honor the men and women who have fought to protect our freedom. Not just the dead, but those who survived to return to their families.

Five of my Uncles served in WWII. My Father served in Korea, shipping out just 5 days after I was born. He didn't see me again until I was 14 moths old. Two of my Cousins and several classmates served in Viet Nam. In all of that not one was killed. Only two were wounded, but all returned to civilian life with the invisible scars that the horror of war carved on each of them. I was spared those horrors despite being drafted in 1972, the last Selective Service draft. An auto accident left me "Unfit for duty." I have always had mixed feelings about that.

My Father and Uncles rarely spoke of their experiences and we have always respected that. I saw first-hand what those months in Nam did to my cousins and classmates. None came back the same people I grew up with.

To every man and woman who has given their life or served this country in the name of freedom, I pledge to you my undying respect, my gratitude and my love. Each of you has gone above and beyond in doing so. . .

Diana T.

As I write this, Diana is in a hospital in Colorado being prepared for major surgery. Ordinarily, this would be a cause for alarm, but this is the final step in Diana's long journey to womanhood. At 7 AM Mountain Time tomorrow, Diana will undergo Sexual Reassignment Surgery (SRS). The last traces of her birth anatomy will will surgically altered to bring her as close to a genetic female as a "Trans" person can ever be. Being rid of the physical male anatomy is a right of passage for an M2F transgender. It's the last evidence of a person we were never meant to be. The same is true for F2M trans males. Having the correct genitalia is like shedding the shackles of prison.

Diana's journey has taken nearly five years. Therapy, hormones, more therapy, living one full year minimum as your true gender, evaluations by numerous Doctors and finally the legal OK to proceed. She is the fourth person I have known to take the final step.

There will be a white candle burning here for Diana until we have word she is OK. Not that it's a particularly dangerous operation, but all surgery carries some risk. After five days, she'll be allowed to fly home to Motown. There are several dozen other Trans people here who will anxiously await her OK to visit, or her first trip out to see us.

We love you and miss you Diana. . . Hurry home. . .

A Word About Me

First. . . . Thanks to all of you for the warm thoughts and genuine concern you have shown. That touches my heart.

I'm still stuggling with things, but my Psych (Rosemary) has been great these last few weeks and the Social Worker (Anna) is rapidly becoming someone I can trust. Both treat me as a woman despite my appearance. That has had a great impact on my attitude. Anna has met me once for lunch and asked if I would be comfortable with her coming to my house. I told her I'd have to get back to her on that one. But, I know I'll ask her eventually.

Overall, I'm feeling better. I'll try to get around to your blogs to lay one of my eggs of wisdom (Even I choked on that one, LOL!!!) soon. . . I also had an interesting experience with my neighbor today, but I'll save that for another time. . . Let's just say "I'm Damned" and leave it at that for now. . . .

OK, this is far too long. . . .

HUGGSS!!

Falling Down

2006-05-21T16:55:00.000-04:00

I don’t really remember when things went so terribly wrong. There are several days that are nothing more than a blur, aside from what I’ve been told by the people who came to my aid. I know I went to work and tried to accomplish something, but most days I spent using every bit of strength I had to not burst into tears. I know I left early one day because I knew I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. I remember that because it was the same day the police came to my house. They had been called by my friends Jenn and Allison. They were afraid I was going to commit suicide. I don’t remember talking to either one of them, let alone mentioning suicide before the cops arrived. But, they said we talked for an hour.

I don’t think I could actually go through with killing myself, because I’m too much of a coward. Still, the police and EMS insisted that someone stay with me, or I would have to go to the hospital for observation. Allison stayed, because Jen had to go to work. We talked for a long time and I was finally able to go to sleep for a while. I do remember her holding me while I cried.

My PDoc called the next morning. I hadn’t been to see her in almost a year. She insisted I come in for an hour, despite my protests. It was actually a good thing I did. She called my Doctor and had him up my meds and within a couple of days I was at least functioning. Not well, but I was able to go back to work. I seem to have leveled off a bit and the crying hasn’t been out of control for the last week.

I debated whether I wanted to come back here at all, but decided I should, at least on a limited basis. One of the things my PDoc pointed out was how I have cut myself off from my friends, family and her. I know I came to use this space as my connection to the world, because it was easier than being with people face to face. That has to change. I know that this cannot be my sole social outlet. But, there are too many people here I’ve come to love, to just walk away.

I started blogging over at Crapster because I wanted to find out if people would accept me. For the most part, they did. I got a few bigoted responses, but I just deleted them and kept going. But somewhere along the way I came to depend on my blog friends like a family. People would call and I just made excuses why I couldn't go to functions, or they couldn’t stop by. I have basically cut myself off for the last eight or nine months. I did go to a function earlier this year, but I remember being very uncomfortable and I was among the first to leave.

My PDoc has set me up with a Social Worker who calls every day or so, if I don’t contact her. She understands my situation and is willing to spend time on the phone with me, because she knows I can’t afford to see my PDoc every week. Allison has made sure that someone calls me every evening, just to check on me and chat for a few minutes.

So, my new mantra is one borrowed from AA. . . One Day At A Time. . .

Peace and Love. . .

I Need A Break

2006-05-07T22:39:00.000-04:00

DaimlerChrysler SUCKS!!!!!

2006-05-04T19:44:00.000-04:00

I'm so fucking ANGRY right now I can't see straight. . . I thought this country had progressed far enough that at least large companies could see the value in DIVERSITY. Obviously, I was VERY WRONG in that assumption. . . How does that old saying go. . .???

The Dodge Division of of DaimlerChrysler is currently runnning the commercial in the attached link in numerous markets around North America (including here in Motown). Click here: http://adage.com/article?article_id=108621 and then select the PLAY button.

Draw your own conclusions, but I'm starting a war over this HUGE slap in the face to the GLBT community. If Ford thinks they have problems with the AFA http://www.afa.net, wait until DCX gets a load of what this Tranny chick and her friends can start. . . The first letter is already started. . .

Dear Bigoted Assholes. . . . What's your next new marketing campaign. . . Those two "That Thing Gotta HEMI???" morons in white sheets and hoods?????????

The Queen's New Chambers

2006-04-30T17:12:00.000-04:00

I love my new bedroom!!! . . . Even before paint and accessories, it is absolutely beyond my expectations. Seeing it set up took a lot of the pain out of the price.

That's not to say that there aren't a couple of issues. There is a long crack in the headboard and one of the night tables was damaged, but the delivery crew noted both and they will be replaced in the next few days.

The delivery guys were great. They were very professional and made sure that things were placed exactly the way I wanted them. How cool is that??? It didn't hurt that one of the guys was totally HOT!!! Seriously, this guy had it going. . . 6 ft. plus, built, with redish blonde hair. . . YEOWWW!!!!!!! (Don't worry Mr. B.Y. Gun. . . you're still my favorite hottie LOL!!!).

I spent yesterday afternoon at Bed Bath & Beyond (this store will someday bankrupt me, I'm sure) picking out a few new items to go with the set. But I had to stop because the house payment is due this week too. . . Hope my tax refund gets here soon. My fault for putting off filing. . .

Damn!! Somebody is cooking something next door that smells fantastic. I guess that means I should get dinner going. I'm starving!!!

Hope y'all are having a great weekend. I'm bummed that the NASCAR race was rained out, but "That's Racin". . .

BTW: Scroll down and check out my "6 wierd things" post. You may have been tagged. . .

HUGGSS!!

Six Wierd Things About Lauren

2006-04-30T14:48:00.000-04:00

Some might say the fact that I'm Trans is wierd enough, but. . . SCREW THEM!!!! LOL!!!

I was tagged by Linda. "The rules are, once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 6 weird things or habits about yourself. In the end you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says, "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read your blog".

Now that the "rules" are out of the way. . . .

I Was A 10 Month Baby:
My mother's due date for me was December 30. I finally arrived on January 29. That might help explain why I'm so anal about being on time.

My "Normal" Body Temp Is 99.4:
I have to remind my doctors of this, since I've been this way as long as I can remember. Could it have something to do with being a 10 month baby?? Who knows!

I Take Tea Bags With Me Everywhere I Go:
I hate coffee and many business places will have a coffee service, but no tea. Most of my suppliers have corrected that oversite.

I Have A "Hole" In My Vision:
An eye injury in my early 20s left me with severe scaring on the lens of my left eye. If you've seen news footage where they blur out a suspects face. . . I can do that by closing my right eye and focusing on someone's head. . . It took me several years to get used to that, because it affects everything I do. It's really bad at night.

I Am Totally Anal About My Kitchen Knives:
Nobody touches my kitchen knives but me. I have no idea why. . . I have a second set I keep for occasions when someone else is working in my kitchen.

I Do Not Like "Stick and Ball" Sports:
Baseball, football, hockey, basketball all seem like a huge waste of time to me. And what the fuck is Golf all about? I'd rather watch paint dry than go to a golf tournament. . . But, I'm a NASCAR junkie!!!

OK. . . So on the wierd scale, I'm not all that strange. . . Maybe I should have gone with the Trans aspect after all. . . LOL!!!!

I tag Dork, Brilliantmadness, Crazy Lady, Schree, Joshua. . . . Hmmmmmm. . . Looks like all my other friends have already been tagged.

Hope you are having a great weekend!!!

HUGGSS!!

News About Allia!!!

2006-04-24T22:39:00.000-04:00

That name may ring a bell to some of you who knew me over at Crapster and from some of my earlier posts here. She is someone very special to me, but disappeared about 6 months ago, with no explanation.

I had a short note from my friend Amy tonight, saying she had an e-mail from Allia over the weekend. I asked Amy to please share her new e-mail address, since her old one is closed down. Still haven't heard back from Amy. . .

Allia is probably the closest I've come to being in love in a very long time. She is such a great person, but has always been very fragile, since she was just coming to terms with be a Transgender. I know that things were going down hill at home when she disappeared last September, but I always thought I was the one person she could come to with anything. At one point, she was going to come here to stay for a while and figure things out. I was very afraid she may have done harm to herself, since she talked about it on several occasions.

Just knowing she is OK has made my day!!!

I DO love you Allia. . . Please know you are welcome in my life and home any time you choose. . .

I miss you girlfriend!!!

HUGGSS!!

Shop `Till Ya Drop!

2006-04-23T12:41:00.000-04:00

UPDATE:

First of all, thank you for the great comments. I fell in love with this set the minute I saw it. There was one other that came close, but this just matched my other furnishings so well, I had to go with it.

Now I'm agonizing over paint colors for the walls and trim, drapes and new bedding. I must have 150 paint color samples here. I want to go with something soothing, but the beige carpet is making it difficult. . . AARRRHHHGGG!!! Carpeting (let alone hardwood flooring) is NOT in the budget. . .

Denise. . . Waste perfectly good crack on a Penguin?? I think NOT!!! I have him huffing Lemon Pledge and drinking vanilla extract to take the edge off. . .

Apos. . . Good eye!!! It's actually a combination of Cherry and Maple. Unusual, but it really works. I'm sure your MIL appreciates your great taste!!! My little Rainbow Anteater is very cool!!!

Super Woman and Mr. BYG. . . One day you'll be empty nesters too. You'll finally be able to look around and say: "Why the hell not???" It's a great feeling. . .

Babs. . . Yes, I DO deserve it. . . LOL!!! CC is OK with it as long as no other cats or, heaven forbid, dogs come with it. I thanked him for his blessing, kissed his feet, rubbed his belly and made sure his food dish was filled. . . He's a happy camper. . . And yes, there WILL be a photo array later. . .

Must start emptying the old dresser. . . .

Laterz!!

Apparently some part of my pea-sized brain thinks I don't have enough to do. So, being the obedient girl I am, I spent yesterday at the local furniture stores looking at bedroom sets. I've been living with El-cheapo mismatched bits and pieces for years. For my efforts, this set will be delivered to the house next Saturday. It was more than I had planned to spend, but I'm getting quality that will last a very long time.

Of course that means that I'll have to get off my arse and finally paint the bedroom, buy drapes, area rugs, new bedding and accessories. Not that I need an excuse to go shopping, mind you, it just helps me justify doing so (when all else fails, rationalize LOL!!!).

This also means that I'll need to call The Salvation Army to arrange a pickup time for the old stuff. While I'm at it, I'll have them take the couch and coffee table that has been taking up half of my office since I bought the new Living Room set last spring.

So, it's off to Bed Bath & Beyond, Lowes, The Homely Depot (yet another contribution to the Ex's retirement account), Targe' and who knows where else, to further stimulate the local economy and deplete my bank account. Oh the things I get myself into. . .

HUGGSS!!

Try This. . . It's Funny As Hell!!

2006-04-18T22:39:00.000-04:00

Go to the Google home page by clicking here: http://www.google.com/

Type in the word "Failure"

Instead of clicking "Google Search," click "I'm Feeling Lucky."

Spread the word before the people at Google "fix" it.

Life is good!!!

HUGGSS!!

With Credit To JackieSue

2006-04-18T22:19:00.000-04:00

I don't think I can add a thing to this image.

Thanks for sharing this JS. . . LOL!!!!

HAPPY EASTER!!!!

2006-04-16T08:57:00.000-04:00

Hope you all have a safe and happy Holiday!!!

Much love. . . .

HUGGSS!!

Spring Has Sprung In Motown

2006-04-15T08:34:00.000-04:00

How do I know this?

1. My furnace has not come on now for almost a week.

2. I was actually able to do my grocery shopping yesterday in shorts and a T-shirt.

3. The driving range down the road has reopened.

4. The Harleys are everywhere.

5. All of the local "Whack-Jobs" have crawled out of their holes and are inflicting themselves on the public. . .

Case-in-point: Some brilliant soul has been placing very official-looking green and white signs along the freeways and major roads at the Motown city limits that read:

Welcome To Detroit

We Hope You Survive

Founded 1701

These are very well made signs on a steel panel. They are painted and printed in the same font and colors as other road signs. So, whoever is doing this is spending a lot of money to make them. Obviously, local officials are NOT amused by this stunt. The local TV stations are trying to treat it seriously, but you can see that ever-so-slight gleam in the eyes of the news anchors when they read the story.

What prompted this? Among other things, Motown police have already processed over 180 homicides so far this year. One of the latest was rap star "Proof" a close friend and associate of Eminem. This happed in an "after-hours club" in the city several nights ago over a game of pool. A second man shot by Proof has been taken off life support and is classified as brain dead.

Why don't I go to events or bars in Motown? I prefer to live without the bullet holes, thank you!! Random shootings are more common than ever. I guess just calling someone an ASSHOLE and walking away is no longer enough. "Piss me off and I'll cap your ass" has become so common in the city, people don't even react to the gunfire anymore.

Very sad. . .

I'm going to go enjoy the warm, sunny morning and have a cup of tea on the patio. . .

Hope y'all have a great day!!!!

BABS IS BACK!!!!!

2006-04-11T20:58:00.000-04:00

Yes. . . Our friend is back in business at the same old location. The folks at Blogger identified the issue and have restored Babs' blogs to her original glory!!!!

YEE HAW!!!!!!!!

Welcome back Babs!!!!

Bass-O-Matic

2006-04-09T11:01:00.000-04:00

If you remember this hilarious Dan Aykroyd bit from SNL, then you'll have some idea of what the past week has been like for your's truly. . . I was the Bass. . .

Note to self: ALWAYS double-check your calendar BEFORE you volunteer for extra duties. . . BEFORE!!!!

Most work days this week were in excess of 12 hours, simply because I forgot that one simple thing. . . DOH!!!! Two major projects with MAJOR milestones due on the same day. . . Then the volunteer part went from the estimated 90 minutes a day to over 4 hours. . . I never learn. I was in bed by 8:30 Friday and slept until after 7:00 AM Saturday. By Noon, I was so tired, I put the jammies back on and slept until almost 5. At least I managed to get the groceries done. . .

So, today is catch-up day. Pay bills, do laundry, clean the cat box (I need to teach that little shit factory to use the Loo. . . FAT CHANCE!!! LOL!), and catch up on my Blog world. . .

HOLY SHIT!! Babs is MIA, although I did get an e-mail saying all of her blogs simply disappeared. . . JackieSue's power went out and now her computer is possessed my the Devil. . . Dork moved to the new house. . . Denise is having Skid Mark wars with one of the boys. . . Apos is chasing teenage girls from the yard in the wee hours. . . Super Woman wants to Bip a 2nd Grader for picking on Lava Girl. . . Chatty is having penny candy fantasies. . . And finally, Mr. BYG had a "Bad Photo Review (his words, not mine)" of himself. . . I'm tired again just from reading all this. . . *head spinning*

At least I can take comfort in knowing that next weekend is 4 days. . . I'll clean this dump then. I was going to have family in, but my sister shit all over the idea because they would have to drive the 80 miles here instead of me driving there, as usual. So now Mom doesn't want to do it either. . . Fuck it!!! I'm staying home. . . They can't say I didn't offer. I love my family, really I do, but at times they make me crazy!!!

Oh well. . . Time to fold laundry, make the bed (without giving into the temptation to just climb in) and get ready for NASCAR in Texas. . . I may have the team to beat this week. . .

HUGGSS!!

DON'T PAY THE RANSOM!!!!

2006-04-05T18:38:00.000-04:00

No, I haven't been kidnapped by aliens or forced into involuntary servitude by a band of Pirates. . . Just a very hectic week. I'll be back Friday night or Saturday to catch up on y'all. . .

HUGGSS!!

Pardon Me While I Vomit!!!

2006-04-02T09:38:00.000-04:00

Now here's a fun-filled afternoon intended to give young girls (and young boys) yet another unrealistic view of womanhood. . . .

The wonderful world of FAIRYTOPIA™ comes to life onstage for the first time ever in BARBIE™ LIVE IN FAIRYTOPIA™! Barbie™, starring as Elina™, a beautiful flower fairy who longs to have wings, embarks on a musical adventure to save her beloved fairyland. Traveling on the back of a colorful butterfly to magical places, she meets new people who test her courage and teach her the value of true friendship. Families will be enchanted by Barbie™ and all of her friends from the movie as they sing, dance and fly through the air! Can a wingless fairy save all of Fairytopia™? Don't miss BARBIE™ LIVE IN FAIRYTOPIA™!

The promos for this little self-esteem killer began a few days ago, for a show that opens later this week in Motown.

Don't get me wrong, I think a little fantasy and make believe is great for children. Most can use their own imaginations to do so, provided parents have the common sense and committment to take the little ones away from the TV, X-Box and other "Electronic babysitters."

Here's a thought. . . actually teach them how to play and use their minds and bodies for something other than a place to store useless entertainment and junk food. . .

I'll stop now, only because I don't want to pay another 1/2 hour rent on this soap box. . .

Love Ya!!

Scaredy Cat

2006-03-31T20:08:00.000-05:00

Well. . . My little four-legged buddy is terrified of thunderstorms. I mean FREAKED!! We just had our first tiny little Michigan Barn-Rattler and he made a mad dash to get under the bed. . . I thought his tail was going to explode!!! He is NOT coming out either. I even tried to bribe him with treats. . .

This wasn't a bad one. . . Just our garden-variety spring boomer, not much wind, but a good bit of rolling thunder. So. . . Apparently Mr. CC Kewl-J has issues too. . . It's kinda cute. . .

Poor baby!! I'll love him up when he feels safe again. . .

Laterz!!

Spring Forward and Buy Batteries

2006-03-30T20:21:00.000-05:00

Please, don't forget to set your clocks AHEAD 1 hour before you hit the pillow Saturday night. Yep. . . It's Daylight Savings Time in North America, starting Sunday morning at 2 AM. . . Well, except for any of you in Arizona and some parts of Indiana. . . I can't speak for the rest of the world.

This is also an excellent reminder to change the batteries in your smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors. Even if you have detectors powered by household current, they have a battery backup to keep them working if the power goes out. PLEASE. . . Don't take a chance on old batteries to save a few dollars. . . And for pete's sake, don't swipe a smoke detector battery to put in your boom box. . . Go to the store and buy batteries!!! I always have spares in the house.

Hundreds of people (too many children and pets) are killed every year, because either the smoke detector batteries are dead or missing. . . Is your kittie's life worth less than a 9 volt battery??? Or your kid???

I didn't think so. . .

Peace and Love. . .

Lauren 1. . . Evil, Money-Grubbing Gas Co. ZERO!!!

2006-03-28T20:32:00.000-05:00

. . . At least that's the way I envisioned the outcome of this latest example of corporate incompetence. . .

BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

After 25 minutes on hold listening to a variety of recorded messages about how much: "We value you as a customer". . . Choke, GAG. . . HURL!!!!. . . I finally get to speak with a "Customer Service Representative". . . AKA: A warm body that can answer the phone (when they get around to it) and almost speaks English. . .

After the mandatory "Can I get your account number, full name, address, daytime phone number, nightime phone number, employer name and address, last four digits of your social security number, shoe size, your Mother's maiden name, the name address and phone number of your three closest relatives, your pet's name and 3 bondable witnesses". . . "How may I (in the least respectful way possible) help you today?"

After explaining that my gas meter reading (by THEIR invoice) and the amount I'm being charged for don't agree, I hear. . . "So what is the problem here???" (TOTAL disinterest is obvious in her voice)

OK, Let's try this again. . . . The meter readings on my invoice show that I used 4600 cubic feet of gas for the last billing period. . . I am being billed for 5100 cubic feet of gas. . . That is 500 cubic feet more than I actually used. . .

"How do you know this?" (the yawn was only slightly muffled). . .

Because that is what is printed on my current invoice. . . Beginning meter reading 681. . . Current reading 727. . . 727 minus 681 equals 46. . . Correct?

"Well yes, but what is the problem??" (Voice now showing obvious irritation)

Well, I'm being charged for 5100 cu. ft. when I only used 4600 cu. ft. . .

"Hold on please, I'll be right back. . . "

About three minutes pass and then. . . .

"Thank you for holding. . . We can issue a credit for the difference on your next bill. . . Will that be OK?" (Like I have a choice here. . . .)

Yes, that will be fine. . .

"Thank you and have a nice day. . ." CLICK!!

ASSHOLES. . . Even when they get caught bending you over the table, they find a way to treat you like shit. . . .

I want to be a cat. . . . A sunny window sill, tuna and I'm good to go. . .

PLEASE. . . Babs. . . Send me some Lexapro. . . I want to be "happy happy joy joy" too. . .

The Land Of Milk And Honey. . .

2006-03-27T20:42:00.000-05:00

You may have heard this phrase at some time in your life. I have no idea who wrote it, but it was intended to describe the opportunities available to imigrants coming to the US many years ago.

I suppose there was a time when this was true, but certainly not in my immediate memory. I first entered the working class in 1968 (several years on Dad's farm prior to that) and have always found obtaining and keeping a good job a challenge. I have worked hard to maintain and expand upon the skills I have today, yet still I struggle.

The recent imigration reform protests came to Motown today, and an estimated 50,000 people filled the streets downtown to express their displeasure with impending imigration policy changes in Washington DC. . .

What alarms me about this is the backing of organized religious groups, the Catholic Church in particular. They seem to feel that we have some obligation to just let people in, regardless of our current circumstances or the ability of these huddled masses to actually find and maintain jobs. Are we supposed to just support them?

If news reports are even close to accurate, up to 30,000 GM employees may get the axe tomorrow. Personally, I think 20,000 is still too high, but who knows??? Where will these people go to find new jobs? How can they possibly compete with an illegal imigrant workforce that thinks minimum wage is HUGE money??

Who will GM, Ford, DaimlerChrysler et al sell their $35,000 SUVs to? Not some poor schmuk working at Target for $10/hour. Who will buy the $300,000.00 houses (that's about average here in the Motown suburbs these days)? Not some single Mom raising 3 kids on $11.00/hour at Home Depot. . . And DAMNED SURE not the illegal imigrants working under the table for $5.25/hour. . .

It is estimated that in Metro Motown, we have upward of 50,000 illegals from various parts of the world. Mostly from Mexico and Central America, but also the Middle East and Asia. . .

The US Senate is currently considering tougher imigrations policies and I'm all for that. BUT. . . we can't even keep a 14-year old kid from slipping across the border at night. . . What's wrong with this picture??? President Shrub needs to take his head out of his colon long enough to see the REAL WAR. . .

Write your Senator and DEMAND passage of these new imigration rules. . . At least it's a start. . .

GODDESS help us all. . . .

Sorry for the rambling rant, I'm just being really pissy tonight. . .

HUGGSS!!

Utility Bills and One ANAL Bitch. . .

2006-03-21T20:37:00.000-05:00

UPDATE: I have not contacted DTE Energy yet, because the past two days at the Hell Hole have been just this side of insane. . . I left here at 7:40 this morning and finally got home after 7 PM. . . Tomorrow appears to be a light day, so perhaps I'll go beat up DTE when I get home. . . The bill isn't due until April 5 anyway. . .

Peace and Love to all. . .

Today's lesson. . . Don't mess with anal people. . . They'll eat your lunch every time. . . My newest victim will be Motown's own DTE Energy.

My current gas and electric bill arrived in my e-mail about 5 days ago. I finally downloaded it last night, only to discover my gas consumption (according to THEM!!) was up by 63% over the the two previous billing periods. . . SAY WHAT??? I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO!!!! I am anal about gas and electric use to the point that people tease me about it. . . Plus, it was considerably warmer last month than the two prior billing periods.

A little further digging reveals that they CLAIM (on the same billing statement) to have replaced my gas meter on February 9. Oddly enough, the meter number on my current bill is the same one it's been since I bought the place in 2004 (yes, I keep old bills, I'M ANAL!!!). So I check the meter and sure enough, same number.

It is also OBVIOUS this meter was NOT replaced as they claimed. I'm taking pictures tomorrow to document it. ANY good mechanic or Engineer can tell you in seconds if bolts, fittings etc. have been moved recently. There are 11 other meters next to it to compare with (Condo). Plus, I would have had to relight the pilot on my water heater had they REALLY shut the gas off to change the meter. It's a physical impossibility to keep the pilot lit and open the system long enough to replace a gas meter.

Next, I recalculated the "actual" meter readings they claim on the bill, only to discover that they are off by 500 cu. ft, or about 5 day's worth based on my past records. Add to that, the actual cost of natural gas went DOWN. This was also stated on the same bill. . .

This is going to be fun!!! I can use their own paperwork to prove they are full of shit!!!

MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!

Being a bitch does have it's bright moments. . . . Check your bills CAREFULLY and keeps records. Why give your money away??

HUGGSS!!

ACLU Pizza, Acrobatic Cat & Other Schtuff

2006-03-20T19:12:00.000-05:00

A friend sent me this link earlier today. If it wasn't such a real possibility, this would be funny. To order your ACLU Pizza click here: Make sure you have your sound turned ON. . .

I mentioned in my last entry that CC is NOT liking his diet. . . So, he keeps coming up with new ways to demonstrate his displeasure. . . Mostly in the form of being obnoxious. Today's new stunt is a classic. . .

I came home for lunch at 11:30, turned on the race on FX, then went to the kitchen to heat up my leftover pasta. CC was at my heels every step of the way. With lunch in the microwave, I went back to watch the race, standing a couple of feet in front of the couch. CC is yapping away and suddenly all 14 lbs. of him is perched on my left shoulder purring in my ear!!! The chubby little shit jumped from the couch, onto me like it was no big deal. . . I nearly peed myself laughing, as he was quite content in doing this and had no intention of leaving. . . OK. . . I'll have to give him an A+ for originality. Goofy CAT!!!

I didn't spend much time blogging over the weekend, since I was working on sorting through about 40 gigabites of data, simply dumped on to DVDs with no hint of organization. If I ever see the moron responsible again, he'll sing Soprano until he croaks. . . This is going to take several nights to completely sort, since my work laptop can't handle this much data. I had to load it to my personal PC to have enough space and speed. SHIT!! At least the boss said OK to my working at home 2 hours a day until it's done. . .

I'll be coming around to catch up when I need a break. I have to see what all of you are up to. I did see Linda's notes on the Tower website. . .

BTW: What the HELL happened to Greg Biffle in the race today? He was up front when I left to go back to work after lunch. He finished 16th!! No wonder you're 25th in the points NITWIT!!! . . . At least I had Kasey Kahne as one of my Group B drivers. . . I knew I should have gone with Mark Martin as my Group A driver. . . Fuckity Fuck Fuck Fuck!!! Oh. . . Carl Edwards Crew Cheif needs to have his ass kicked for not holding Carl until Blaney cleared his pit stall. . . Moron!!

Congrats to Clance' on her high score in the league today!!! Beat me out by 4 points!!

HUGGSS!!

Erin Go Braugh!!!

2006-03-17T19:30:00.000-05:00

Or Erin can go braughless. . . It's none of my business. . . LOL!

I hopes this fine St. Patty's Day finds you in good health, good humor and luvin' life. . .

This Irish Lass can think of no finer way to end the week than celebrating her heritage. . . With a touch of fine Irish whiskey and a pint or two of me favourite Ale. . . For medicinal purposes mind ya!! LOL!!!

And if you're beleive'n that, I have a map to a Pot-O'-Gold I'm willin' to part with for a mere song. . .

OH Lord!!! Now I'm channeling Barry Fitzgerald. . . LOL!!

This has been one long-ass week!! I'm beat and there is a stack of work sitting on my dining room table that needs to done by Monday. . . I LOVE my job. . .I LOVE my job. . . I LOVE my job. . . NO I DON'T!!!! Oh well. . . I didn't have any plans anyway. . .

I have managed to stop by to see what most of you are up to at least a couple of times. I'm glad to see that most of you are doing well.

Sorry about the tele-assholes Babs. . . I've been down that road a time or two. I just pick up the phone and start dialing. . . They don't stick around long. I agree that the voice message was over the line. . . That idiot needs to have his hair parted. . . with a hammer. . .

As for last weekend, there's really not a lot to tell. It was fun meeting several people in person for the first time and I think I may be at a point where I'm willing to venture back into the world again. Only time will tell.

CC and I have been waging a battle of wills this past week. He is NOT liking his diet and has let me know it by strewing the contents of the laundry room trash basket down the hallway a couple of times. . . Tough shit fuzzbutt. . . You're on rations and I control the food supply LOL!! I'm not crazy about my diet either!!! So there!

Not much else to talk about. I'm going to call it an early night and get to the grocery shopping early. I want to miss as many of the idiots as possible.

More tomorrow when I've revived a few more brain cells. . .

HUGGSS!!

Quick Note

2006-03-14T21:45:00.000-05:00

Hi All!!

Thanks for the great feedback!!! I'll post more in a day or so. . . Really hectic this week. . .

HUGGSS!!